Twelve Lines

One heart, one head, one voice

Two people

Three reasons not to love you

Four reasons I should

Five friends tell me no

Six girls before me - wow

Seven "accidents" I can forgive

Eight will break me

Nine times you've said we're through

Ten times too many tears for you

Eleven long months I called you mine

But I'm over you in Twelve short lines

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA

Favorite Poets: Charles Bukowski, Emily Dickinson, Lord Byron, Lorna Dee Cervantes, Tennyson, Walt Whitman

Comments

c lynn brooks

5 years 8 months ago

Me

I ike tor reasoning
would suggest a more inviting title perhaps 12 good reasons or something along that line

Barbara Writes

5 years 8 months ago

hi

it reads like a grocery list...but do you

ThisIsMe

5 years 8 months ago

Hey, thanks for taking a look at my poem. I was a little confused by your feedback though. Is it bad that it reads like a grocery list? The structure was intentional and integral to the meaning of the poem when I wrote it. How would I change this to make it better?

Barbara Writes

5 years 8 months ago

hi

the numbering throw off the poetic feel of the poem....thus reads like a list....your poetic style is yours...i won't say it's bad..i knew it was intentional...it's your style to work with and make appealing for the reader...

c lynn brooks

5 years 8 months ago

suggestion

as before then change the title
perhaps rather the numbering your "lines"
what about spelling out the list
such as
one heart one hesd one voice
three reasons not to love you

etc etc etc
if you would care to see more of a rewrite or would I see so much potential in this poem

like help in a rewrite pls contact me I will be more than willing to help