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June Contest - Choka - Japanese Poetry - $25 (USD) Amazon Emailed Gift Card
Two Samurais (June Choka Poem Contest)
Under the pale moon,
two samurais on the bridge,
sharpened blades singing,
eyes glaring at each other,
determined to win
or embrace the end of life
for the sake of their masters.
Summer's first showdown,
witnessed by their friends and foes.
Chosen champions clashed
to honor the lords they serve
Alas, treachery
comes in the form of a bird,
claws blinding its target's eyes.
Accusing words frame,
stripping a lord of honor.
The duel ended
with his reputation stained.
Forced to kill himself,
he cursed his conniving foe
and Death comes when lightning strikes.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
9 years ago
You set...
the scene with such force, that one sees the glint of their blades and their flashing eyes!
~ Gee.
alidzain
9 years ago
Hello Gee
Glad you liked it.
Alid
raj
9 years ago
Hi Alid
Great imagery as well as the mood too created by you in this Choka makes you a strong contender to be the winner of this month's contest...best wishes..
alidzain
8 years 3 months ago
Thanks raj
Glad you liked it.
Alid
Rula
8 years 3 months ago
This is
Awesome Khalid. It absolutely deserves the prize
alidzain
8 years 3 months ago
Salam Rula
Glad you liked it.
Alid