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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 10/6/24 TO 10/12/24

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Under Depression

Autumn falls,

my thought
shatters,
scatters,
blows,

October leaves .

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

8 months 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively employs the metaphor of autumn and falling leaves to depict the state of depression. The use of verbs like "shatters," "scatters," and "blows" helps to create a vivid image of the speaker's fragmented thoughts. The poem could benefit from further development of this metaphor to deepen the exploration of the speaker's emotional state.

The poem's brevity and simplicity are its strengths, but it could also benefit from a more complex structure or use of language to add depth and nuance. For example, the poem could explore the contrast between the beauty of autumn and the speaker's inner turmoil, or use more specific imagery to convey the speaker's feelings.

The poem's title, "Under Depression," directly states the theme of the poem. While this clarity can be beneficial, a more subtle or metaphorical title might invite the reader to engage more deeply with the poem's themes.

The poem's punctuation and line breaks contribute to its rhythm and pacing. However, the use of a comma at the end of the first line disrupts the flow of the poem. Consider revising this punctuation to maintain the poem's rhythm.

Overall, this poem effectively uses metaphor and imagery to convey a sense of depression. With further development and refinement, it could offer a more nuanced and complex exploration of this theme.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

Leslie

8 months 3 weeks ago

Rula

I really caught your feelings in this. I wouldn't have written more.

Rula

Rula

8 months 3 weeks ago

Hello Leslie

Thank you for your kind words.
Hope I didn't add to your pain.
Much appreciate it.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

8 months 3 weeks ago

Dear Rula,

Your words, thoughts, get me in touch with the heart of my favorite season! Thank you for this!

*Your American Friend, Cat

Rula

Rula

8 months 3 weeks ago

Dearest Cat

Thank you dear for coming to my humble piece. Telling that it touched you adds to my pleasure.
I am always grateful for your kind visit dear friend.

Leslie

Leslie

8 months 3 weeks ago

Rula...

Pain is something we live with, but not without hope, it diminishes with time if we allow it.

Rula

Rula

8 months 3 weeks ago

Leslie

Totally agree. Hope is always there.
Be well friend

Geezer

Geezer

8 months 3 weeks ago

I saw ...

the bowl of summer fall in slow motion,
smashing into a thousand pieces,
exploding outward as the dried leaves
blew away down the walk.
~ Geez.
.

Rula

Rula

8 months 3 weeks ago

Sir Gee

Your heartfelt words touched me and I felt so humbled.
I like your comment even more than my piece.
So much appreciation to you and your kind visit

Geezer

Geezer

8 months 3 weeks ago

Thank you...

it means a lot to me to have such a response. You are one of the ones that always manages to take me by surprise. Excellent write. ~ Geez.
.