Underneath...

I imagine a dense network of tunnels;
malleable, hollow tubes narrowing
then swelling - breathing a complex
language beyond my comprehension.

The synchrony is beautiful
and I long to understand it.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

weirdelf

11 years 1 month ago

Such evocative power

in such a short piece.

I have a pet peeve about using the word beautiful in a poem, there is always something better. The second stanza I think could be much improved as-

The synchronous threnody
I so long to understand.

what do you think?

my reading-
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/underneath-by-violet

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Violet

This is short and exquisite.

Regards,

Esker

11 years 1 month ago

love it....

love the tubes as breathing
a language...

love the use of language in this poem
as a metaphor
and longing

excellent poem..
thank you

Ian.T

11 years ago

Dare I say Beautiful, watching the energy flow through the tubes, our equivalent is fibre optics they carry energy and messages in a stream of light.
The music is what we can imagine and way beyond our thoughts of what is beautiful.
The communication of what we would term as the gods but each of us knows that we are a part of the whole.
Lovely write, take care, Yours Ian .T
PS:- Did you see the tubes, or did they become what you call your imagination????

violet

11 years ago

Thank you..

... to each and all of you.

Ian.T,. I appreciate your thorough thought process and comment. All I can say, is that the subject matter is organic. The most complex, fascinating and beautiful one I've ever encountered, and I'll always want to know more.