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May 04, 2022
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Underneath the limbs life
Several
forever fading
fragments of
one single shattered dream.
Who’s streams of significance
flow far behind
the shadows of time.
Just another
persistent passing
presence
leaving behind
Those minimal
minor moments .
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Im describing memories and Friends who are no more how you keep them alive through those memories . Im not sure if the first part connects very well with the second part .
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Edward nigma
3 years 2 months ago
My inspiration
https://youtu.be/7abG9JapjIQ
And
https://youtu.be/SOPXo8PmdYs
Race_9togo
3 years 2 months ago
Oh yeah.
The "Last Few Words" are really uneccessary.
This has a timeless depth of sadness far, far beyond the mere meaning of the words. This, for me, is what poetry is all about.
A single structural issue:
"Several
forever fading
fragments of
One single shattered
dream. Who’s streams of significance
flow far behind
the shadows of time."
Lines three and four:
"Several
forever fading
fragments of
***One single shattered dream
***Whose streams of significance
flow far behind
the shadows of time."
It makes the lines less choppy, puts the focus on the aliteration you have used, and highlights the meaning and intensity of feeling.
I must say, I am very much enjoying your poems.
A most excellent addition to your body of work.
Keep writing.
Edward nigma
3 years 2 months ago
The point I’m saying
People don’t last forever .
People like light fade into the enigma known as death.
Leaving you with nothing but the memories the constant reoccurring visions of lost friends, family and spouses.