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Nov 19, 2024
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Unnoticed
For many years I cried
I screamed my lungs dry
no one seemed to care
all because they seemed to think
unnoticed are my dreams
I tried to look into a mirror
but what I saw was cracked
it was like my soul was hurt
hurt by words spoken and unspoken
When will I ever be noticed for who I am?
how is it that when I want something
it was taken from me
am I the only one that bleeds?
I even tried to close my heart
even tried to be a part
but that doesn't seem to work
life is just an illusion
Unnoticed am I
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Unnoticed" presents a poignant exploration of invisibility and longing for recognition. However, there are areas where the poem could be strengthened to enhance its impact and clarity.
1. Imagery: The poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. For example, instead of stating "I screamed my lungs dry", the poet could explore unique ways to convey this feeling. This could help the reader to better understand and connect with the emotions being expressed.
2. Structure: The poem seems to lack a consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme. While free verse can be powerful, in this case, a more structured approach might enhance the poem's readability and flow.
3. Word Choice: The poem could benefit from more varied and precise language. For instance, the phrase "life is just an illusion" is somewhat clichéd. Exploring fresh, unexpected ways to express these sentiments could make the poem more engaging.
4. Theme Development: The theme of feeling unnoticed is clear, but it could be developed further. For example, the poet could delve deeper into the reasons behind this feeling, or explore its consequences in more detail.
5. Show, Don't Tell: The poem often tells the reader how the speaker feels, rather than showing these feelings through actions, thoughts, or sensory details. This can make the poem feel less immediate and engaging. For instance, instead of saying "am I the only one that bleeds?", the poet could show the speaker's isolation and pain through specific, concrete details.
Overall, the poem has potential, but could be improved through more vivid imagery, a more consistent structure, more varied language, further development of its theme, and a greater emphasis on showing rather than telling.
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