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Apr 22, 2025
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The Unravelling
It started with a whisper through the door,
a reckoning I had forgotten long before.
No tear, no scream, just something slightly off,
a sudden chill, a kind of smothered cough.
The threads slipped far with neither blame nor fuss,
it simply stopped the way this worked for us.
I felt it first, your absence on bare skin,
where once your comfort held me tucked within.
The thinning place, too worn to hold its own,
a silence without stitches overgrown.
And still I wore you, dragging out our lies,
pretending things don’t break, they just arise.
Each step a cruel reminder of what's not there,
a breath of nothing, slicing in thin air.
You’d think I’d mend and try to make us hole,
but still you ache more sweetly on my sole.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
2 months ago
Dear Ruby,
First off, there is a mistake in the second to last line (hole should be spelled: whole. sole should be spelled: soul. Now I can concentrate on the rest of the poem!
This piece instantly got me hooked! It has everything I look for in a poem... the rhyming is smooth. there are no forced lines. making the flow almost musical. It is a masterpiece, in my eyes. there is pain...it weaves its way through the poem, in graceful but heartbreaking fashion. The ending verse brings it all together...you set me crying... I will return for another read...
much love, Cat
Ruby Lord
2 months ago
Hi Cat, not a problem, thank
Hi Cat, not a problem, thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments. I really appreciate how this piece was received. I wanted to explore how poetry can reveal and deceive at the same time. How an ordinary detail can carry the weight of what we feel, depending on how it’s framed. I tend to hide my sadness into places where it’s not easily seen. I think a lot of us do that, until we decide to let the loose threads unravel, not by accident, but to show to ourselves? Ruby xx
Rula
2 months ago
I thought
this is heart-breaking and yet so powerful. The "unraveling extended metaphor worked through out really well. I believe and hope that this isn't an autobiographical memory/experience, but it models so many relationships.
I also think the use of "sole and hole "are not but a part of the unraveling thing extended metaphor and I thought using them is quite clever and creative.
Very well done!
Thank you for sharing
Ruby Lord
2 months ago
Hi Rula, thank you for
Hi Rula, thank you for reading and commenting. I’ve always loved how poetry has the power to highlight the most ordinary detail into the mystic. How a small loss can speak to something far greater, or at least reflect the shape of it. Sometimes, what we write isn’t about what happened, but about what might be felt at the time. That’s the beauty of poetry for me, not just in what’s written, but in what it reveals in the reader, not the poet. Ruby xx
Candlewitch
2 months ago
Dear Ruby,
I am terribly sorry if I missed out on the meaning... please forgive?
very fondly, Cat
Ruby Lord
2 months ago
Hi Cat, there’s nothing to
Hi Cat, there’s nothing to forgive, quite the opposite. I’m always moved by how deeply you engage with the poems you read. Meaning isn’t fixed, it shifts with the reader, and that’s where the real beauty lies. I’m grateful that you found feeling in the piece. That’s more than enough for me. Ruby xx :)
Candlewitch
2 months ago
>{^*;*^}<
thank you. I leave my cat face to let you know that I both appreciate and care.
much love, Cat
Ruby Lord
2 months ago
Lovely cat face Cat, take
Lovely cat face Cat, take care & stay safe, Ruby xxx :)
Frederick Kesner
1 month 4 weeks ago
This poem made me feel like
This poem made me feel like our expression is truly an extension of our innermost selves and we can opt to share how ever much or little, which parts and no matter how minimal or grand we want to; both an unraveling and unveiling as well as a sneak peak, preview, trailer, remix or full feature. Quite versatile from one point of understanding:)
Ruby Lord
1 month 4 weeks ago
Hi Cryptic, thank you for
Hi Cryptic, thank you for reading and commenting. I'm glad you read my poem and understood the intention. I think you really get the point of this one and have articulated it perfectly. I much appreciate your comment. Ruby xx
Frederick Kesner
1 month 4 weeks ago
You are most welcome,
You are most welcome, RubyLord. :)