Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Mar 04, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Unreachable
That first day
The first time
When my eyes were filled
With all of you
And since that day
Through bell’s and floods
Through all of these things
From afar I watched
And dreamt and yearned
And then today
When the words were finally spoken
I know that now
You, the amazing you
Will always
Be unreachable
And so the road opens
The journey begins
Walk away
From the one who
Is unreachable
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Coldplay illustrate it in the lyrics of their great song “Fix You”…. ‘When you love someone but it goes to waste’ The realisation that the one you love will never be with you, they are unreachable, and it is time to move on
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Unreachable" effectively conveys a sense of longing and unattainability through its imagery and emotional tone. The repetition of "unreachable" throughout the poem emphasizes the theme of distance and inaccessibility. The use of phrases like "Through bell's and floods" and "The journey begins" adds a sense of journey and struggle to the narrative. However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery or details to enhance the reader's connection to the emotions being expressed. Consider incorporating sensory details or concrete descriptions to make the experience more vivid and engaging for the reader. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor or symbolism could deepen the layers of meaning in the poem. Overall, the poem effectively captures the feeling of yearning for something out of reach, but further development in imagery and poetic devices could enhance its impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
4 months 1 week ago
Hello JB Slim,
Your poem sounds like a very good start to a longer song lyrics! You make sense in not brooding over a situation which you cannot change. Been there, done that! by the way, it is very nice to meet you and welcome to Neopoet!
hugs, Cat
JB Slim
4 months 1 week ago
Many Thanks
Hi Cat,
Thanks so much for your message, very much appreciated. I never really thought of Unreachable as a song however I am a musician and now you have got me to thinking!!!
Great to meet you too
JB
Geezer
4 months 1 week ago
Cat is right...
it does sound like song lyrics. ~ Geezer.
.
JB Slim
4 months 1 week ago
Thanks
.....for your input, really appreciated