Irenicus

May 18, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Unremembered

There was a cliff, where we first met.
Below, perpetual waves crashed
At sunset, we watched the fishermen
return in dinghies.

She told me she was here for the moon
when the moon came out, she said
it looked like a rabbit's tummy
with the stars decorated as ears
and legs. I anticipated the pattern
and nodded happily.

We shared our stories under the
starlit night, there was a moment
of closeness in the air. That day,
my life changed forever.

Half-a- century followed...

Today she left me.
Her final breath fell with
a sigh. By her side, there
were numerous pictures of rabbits
she'd been asking me for days
If I could recall anything seeing them.
I was left clueless...

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West Bengal, India

Favorite Poets: Swami Vivekananda, Sri Aurobindo, Robert Frost, E.E Cummings

Comments

c lynn brooks

5 years 1 month ago

title

This is the only point that seems off
perhaps a more inviting title as this will be the first item the reader will see
welcome to Neo Poet we have much to offer.

Irenicus

5 years 1 month ago

Thank you

Thanks Lynn for your feedback

I'll see what I can do about the title, in the meantime feel free to suggest a new one if you have something in mind.

Thank you
Irenicus.

c lynn brooks

5 years 1 month ago

title

how about something as simple as
Not Forgotten
same concept
or Always Remembered

Lavender

5 years 1 month ago

Unremembered

Hello, Irenicus,
A precious, tender poem for describing one of life's most precious, tender moments. I am moved to tears with this. Lovely.
Thank you,
Lavender

Geezer

5 years 1 month ago

My suggestion...

for a title? "A Thing Once Remembered"
~ Geezer.
.

Lavender

5 years 1 month ago

For me the title is a confirmation of just how precious this final, present moment is - that no other memory, no matter how significant it was, could ever be more valuable at this time, that everything else would be unremembered, somehow in this moment. But this is how your poem speaks to me.
Thank you!
L

Gracy

5 years 1 month ago

What a lovely poem, Irenicus.

What a lovely poem, Irenicus. I emphasized with the first part, then felt all the sadness at the end. I'm a rabbit in the Chinese zodiac! And yes, one can see a rabbit on the moon. My Mom used to tell me stories about how it got there.
I like the idea of a title with Rabbit in it, but somehow that would be sort of Alice in Wonderland. I'll think about it and return, meanwhile, welcome to the Neopoet family.

lovedly

4 years 6 months ago

I forgot to tell you poet

I know you are not too young
but you must thank everyone
or give a small note
as a mark of respect for their spending their time with you I am sure you will even now do
belated is okay than not to
Irenicus
o what a name