Seren

Apr 17, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Until the next time

A thousand,
no ! a million times
I have tried to picture
your face,
but as my memory ages
so does its recall, of you

the first frost came this morning,
I walked barefoot, knowing
you were there with me
the spirit for life
you left inside,
is now my guide
and burns my trail

my feet numb,
I shiver remembrance
and goosebumps form
forever I will look back

I am haunted
by the footprints
that are not
next to mine

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Comments

dina grey

12 years 3 months ago

Great, vivid picture with words.

I could see myself walking those footsteps. Great work! Keep it coming.

Seren

12 years 2 months ago

Thanks Dina

I am very happy you liked it thanks for the read and the comment

sincerely JC x

Josephus

12 years 3 months ago

Simply wonderful

I wouldn't change a thing. Your phrasing is so descriptive.

Joe

Seren

12 years 2 months ago

Thanks Joe

Very glad you liked it thanks for the read its much appreciated

love Jayne-Chloe

loved

12 years 3 months ago

simply exquisite you r a wonder

such lovely experiences you share
it's like time is walking alongside

no footprints left on sands of time

simple memories
left far behind

Seren

12 years 2 months ago

Loved

Thank you for the read and your lovely comment

love JC x

Bonitaj

12 years 3 months ago

This piece

has a certain "haunted" quality about it that stays even after the last line. That to me suggests "great writing"!
You just keep getting better at it JC!

Seren

12 years 2 months ago

Boni

Thanks so much for the read I am really glad you liked it, still needs a bit more editing but I will get round to it soon

thanks for the visit its good to have you back around

love JC x

scribbler

12 years 3 months ago

That last stanza is one of the best I've read in a long time. The rest of the poem ain't exactly chicken feed either lol. I've got a few ideas, as usual :
line 6 try so fades its memory of you
last line second stanza try replacing "burns" with blazes"
this poem reminds me too much of those with whom I used to walk who no longer leave their prints beside mine................stan

Seren

12 years 2 months ago

hey Bro

I am so glad you liked this one and thanks for the ideas when I edit, I will be editing this one over the next few days

thanks for the read and your time

love JC x

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

Jayne

Ah yes the footprints there touching the Earth remembering things yet the face has faded.

It matters not young lady that the face has faded only that the feelings are still within your Spirit, as you once again touch the Earth, and know that there are many that are doing the same and are close to your ways.

It is easy to have faces fade, we cannot remember everything, yet a feeling that has etched a line on the hand or has touched the soul there is never a place that they can be forgotten, they belong in your makeup for ever.
I remember my poem on that lawn I spread out to eternity that had lots of bumps in the shape of footprints, just the sight of those lumps and bumps brought a love to my ways..
Take care out there and I look forward to more of your writes, they are becoming deeper and yet more beautiful,
Yours Ian.T

Seren

12 years 2 months ago

Ian

I have been writing this poem for years, I lost my little man after three days and its funny I remember bits and pieces but it was such a traumatic experience, I write of it rarely but it was time to edit this one and post thanks for the lovely comment its very much appreciated

love always JC xxx