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Aug 06, 2025
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Your eyes grip onto mine refusing to let me stray away
My empty promise to never tell anyone what you have done.
For me to make this promise would have meant i knew right?
Standing there watching it happen.
Your flared ribs exposed with blood, dripping a permanent stain on my body.
If i could have just wanted it, if i was the man i was supposed to be i could have stopped you.
I wonder constantly whether i wanted it in the first place.
Your naked bleeding body glides across the lip of the water.
Cuts crying as i repulsively sob into your arms.
Finally sobbing myself to sleep just to wake up living the same nightmare.
Your hands grab at my seemingly nude body, one i did not show to you with permission.
My family is out of town, nobody is coming to save me.
I wipe my tears on my face and neck and the backs of my ears and say now its sweat, its sweat now.
I never loved you, i never wanted you to see me that way.
I was 14, no i did not have the body of your dreams, no i didnt want to see yours.
I stare at the blood on my freshest cuts and all it does is remind me of you.
You deserve to be gone forever and i cant even get you out of my mind.
Sometimes i feel like i exaggerate what happened, belittled by my family over whats really happened, fooling me to believe a lie.
You’re soulless.
I see those same eyes in new people every day and it shakes me to my core.
The red tint to your pale blue skin.
The burn of cigarettes on your neck from your family.
If i had no amount of guilt to feel for you i could have gotten over this.
Day by day i question my morals on how much it was your fault.
Your family witnessed the entire thing and egged you on.
I hate you (her name)
You have destroyed me from the inside out.
With such little shards left for me to put together, waiting for someone to fill in the blanks.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem confronts a deeply traumatic experience with raw emotional intensity and unflinching honesty. The narrative voice is fragmented and anguished, which effectively conveys the speaker’s turmoil and the lasting impact of abuse.
Strengths: - The imagery is visceral and evocative, especially in lines like “Your flared ribs exposed with blood, dripping a permanent stain on my body” and “Your naked bleeding body glides across the lip of the water.” These create a haunting visual and emotional impression. - The poem’s confessional tone and stream-of-consciousness style mirror the speaker’s fractured psyche and the cyclical nature of trauma and memory. - The repetition of physical sensations (tears, sweat, cuts) grounds the emotional pain in the body, emphasizing the physical and psychological scars.
Areas for development: - Consider varying the line lengths and punctuation to enhance rhythm and pacing. The current mostly enjambed, run-on lines can sometimes blur meaning or lessen impact. Strategic pauses could allow key images or emotions to resonate more fully. - Some phrases could be clarified or tightened for stronger effect. For example, “If i could have just wanted it, if i was the man i was supposed to be i could have stopped you” is complex and might benefit from rephrasing to sharpen the speaker’s conflicted self-blame. - The poem’s emotional intensity is powerful but might be balanced with moments of reflection or metaphor that provide a broader context or insight into healing or resilience, if that aligns with the poet’s intent. - The poem uses lowercase “i” throughout, which can be a stylistic choice but may also affect readability and tone. Consider whether this aligns with the voice and mood you want to convey.
Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its unvarnished portrayal of trauma and its aftermath. With attention to form and clarity, the emotional impact could be even more profound and accessible to readers.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
zuella
1 month 3 weeks ago
Wow
This is.. incredibly deep. It is beyond my understanding, this is an insane experience, a horrible horrible experience. One you shouldn’t of had to endure, one no one should ever have to endure. I am so, so, so sorry Joe, I’m so sorry that this is soemthing that you have to carry with you, you are so brave and so, so strong for continuing on, for living your life and being able to speak out about it. I am very proud of you.
Your poem itself is incredible. The free verse style really adds to the seriousness of the topic, of the raw and real emotions you feel. You have spilled them out onto a page and rearranged them into a well written piece, you should be very impressed, after looking at your account, this appears to be the first poem you have posted but I’m assuming you have a history in poetry. The lowercase lettered strewn throughout add to the frightened, fast paced read while also allowing the reader to see just how human you are.
You are an amazing person, I can just tell, I’m very proud of you for surviving and for being able to speak your truth. I can’t wait to read more of your stuff.