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May 28, 2019
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Untitled scifaiku
ashes of cities left
by burning atmosphere-
a temper tantrum
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Scifaiku, an east west hybrid, perhaps? This is one of my published poems.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
themoonman
6 years 1 month ago
Hi,
It does leave a picture ...
what about "Too hot to stop" or "Sizzler"
Geezer
6 years 1 month ago
It brought to mind...
a scene of post-war cities and especially Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I think I get what you mean by a "temper-tantrum". I fear that some day, someone who has the power, will get a "bug up their butt"
and "push the button". I get it, I like it! ~ Geezer.
.