UNWORTHY (title workshop)

She came on pristine feet, with such a soft
ardor, it seemed no man could sneer her gift,
or ignore light’s promise to rise aloft
above the crime that caused the heaven’s rift.

It was as if some stolen light was sent
into the world to find the truth in man;
and I was called to see if it is meant
for one in love of truth to lift the ban.

But sad, my earth in strong desire had called
the lust and base intents that curved my soul.
It closed the cage where spirit’s flight is walled
and hide from me the text of sacred scroll.

And she my love has paid high price for me
Defied the gods for fool that did not see.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: The Nederlands

Favorite Poets: William Butler Yates, Wallace Stevens, Giuseppe ungaretti, William Blake

Comments

scribbler

5 years ago

Hi Tyro

I agree the title does not seem to fit the poem. Perhaps something to denote the protagonist not being up to the task......hmmmmm.....".Unworthy" comes to mind

tyro

5 years ago

Scribbler I like your

Scribbler I like your suggestion very much as it lead me in different direction. Unworthy is good but seems to soft, what do you think of Deficient?

scribbler

5 years ago

The purpose of this shop is to start people thinking about titles. And this particular exercise is to point out there are Many different ideas for a title. What matters the most is whether or not You wind up satisfied with whatever title you choose or the title you come up with as the result of being inspired by any one or all suggestions

Rula

5 years ago

Dear Tyro

First look I thought this is a sonnet with a missing line at stanza 2... Hope I am not wrong.
I thought of "Preposterous" for a title. It may not fit, yet I thought I'd share it anyway
(A word I've newly learnt) lol

Gracy

5 years ago

Hi Tyro, I agree the title

Hi Tyro, I agree the title does not suit your poem. I can only think of "Contemptible". Dunno...it's difficult.
Why does one strophe have 3 lines? It would be perfect with that completed. I'm sure you can find a way.
Best, Gracy

tyro

5 years ago

Hello ladies

Hello ladies
I was sloppy in not proof reading it after I posted; somewhere in the pasting the line got lost. I have added it now. And yes, dear Rula it is a sonnet. From the suggestions I like 'unworthy' best.