UNWRITTEN POEM

nice sentiment...but who needs heaven on earth. I'd invoke the "grandfather clause"...I like some commotion, and I'm not the bad guy.

I still like the poem, maybe you could be that poet.
Reads real smooth to me.
Be proud of this one.

Praise to Stan

regards,

This could be THE poem!
As Al said, a great sentiment and it has an easy flow about it.
I like this poem very much. Jx

*
SAD
that
will
never
B

Choked on my glass of wine then........ :-) Jx

The poet's already here
beating upon his drum,
the message he brings is clear
don't listen to the humdrum,
his one and only plea

A few suggestions fromm MM before she bruises my ribs xxxx

The time (, it) may be far or near (add)
when (our) souls cease to be so numb (remove)
of every race, religion, sex or creed. (Sooooo long - try just -'religion, race, sex or creed')

Love judy
xxx

when I was obtuse and more..
that key sound and lock sound
thank U...
shuffle to the desk
locker out my stuff
quick to get out of their way
Freedom never so unappealing
then

and now even lately as I get
old Reading like listening
means take it in and consider
let it settle not fester

im growing better
a grand poem
about someone unlocking
the inevitable avoidance
and welcoming pause
of humility!

thank U!

A great poem in many ways, Judy's suggestions were spot on but didn't get to the heart of the problem, which is the stumbling meter.
I don't know what to do with you, young man. You've done the workshops. It must be my failure. I'll try another meter workshop soon (yes, I'm back in the game).
Do you really read your poems aloud? Record them and listen to them?
Buggerit, hang on while I re-wire my system for this computer, it's set up on my media center 'puter for listening loud late at night at the moment. I'll get back to you with my reading, ok?
In the meantime read some Tennyson and Gerard Manly Hopkins. Even your god, Frost, handles meter.

how both joyous and sad to see Esker's wonderful comments on this poem.

I thought that poet might have arrived- Bob Dylan. Time will tell.

Homer's are rare, Dylan is truly in the bard tradition of great poetry done as song.
We can mention a few others on our time- Leonard Cohen, Paul Simon,

After a lot of consideration about song lyrics vs poetry, even a workshop on this site, I see a very strong distinction between most lyrics and true poetry. I love lyrics. I'm a musician and play the great American songbook, and samba (great lyrics!!) But when I read most lyrics on the page presented as poem, most fall flat. Obvious, cliche, catchy, lacking metaphor and poetic depth or inner music associated with great poetry. But when the simple words and messages of lyrics are married to the song and preformed well, I am in heaven. Fly me to the moon...you take the high road,I'll take the low....all the Beatles, and Cole Porter. Great lyrics. without the music and sold as poetry... who's going to take "Night and day you are the one" seriously.
Sorry to go on a bit...thanks for reading.

to give life to old scribbles
and
the light of twilight
both morning dawn
and evenings leering last
shine upon you finally and fast

you are the poet at last
and at high mast