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Oct 06, 2024
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Utah Beach Landing
On June 6th 1944
Normandy, World War two, D-Day,
Omaha, Gold, Juno and Sword.
pump-up the adrenaline, pray!
Allies were Brits, Canadians,
French, Poles and U.S.A. forces
all of which were sturdy brave men
which time, supports and endorses.
Utah, the westernmost beach head
with the other beach invasions
the allies fought on for success
retake France in the equation.
amphibious attack won through,
Operation Neptune, dubbed.
enemy fire caused them to swim
for the beach there in was the rub.
Many picked off in the water
swimming from ship to Utah beach
Success! slowly began to dawn
on allies involved within reach.
Taking the beach, was just a start
Coordinating of the troops
marching in-land with guns in hand
after reforming into groups.
though bedraggled, spirits ran high
marched in-land to further the war
taking out the live pillboxes
but it would not even the score...
About This Poem
Last Few Words: The targets were five beaches - Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno and Sword. Utah and Omaha would be attacked by mostly US forces, Sword and Gold would be assaulted by mostly British forces, while Juno beach would be taken by mostly Canadian forces. I hope to write about each. Candlewitch/Cat
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Utah Beach Landing" presents a historical narrative of the D-Day invasion during World War II. The use of specific historical references, such as "Operation Neptune" and the names of the beaches, adds a layer of authenticity to the poem. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme to enhance its readability and flow.
In terms of structure, the poem seems to follow an ABAB rhyme scheme, but this is not consistently maintained. For example, the second stanza rhymes 'forces' with 'endorses', but 'Canadians' does not rhyme with 'men'. Consistency in the rhyme scheme would enhance the poem's musicality and make it more engaging to read.
The rhythm of the poem is also somewhat inconsistent. Some lines have more syllables than others, which disrupts the flow of the poem. By ensuring each line has a similar number of syllables, the rhythm of the poem would be more consistent, making it easier and more enjoyable to read.
In terms of content, the poem does a good job of conveying the historical events of D-Day. However, it could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. For example, instead of saying "Many picked off in the water", the poem could describe the scene in more detail to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Lastly, the poem's ending feels somewhat abrupt. The final line, "but it would not even the score...", leaves the reader hanging. Developing this idea further could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
8 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Cat
Though again not fascinated with history, yet I'm amazed how effortlessly you present the information. I like also how you're putting this as a collection.
Your wide knowledge is highly appreciated dear.
Well done indeed!
Candlewitch
8 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Rula,
Thank you for supporting me with my project, I appreciate your kind comments :)
* major hugs, Cat
Leslie
8 months 3 weeks ago
Cat
I'm always amazed with how much you know and with your presentation. There may be other things you can do with it, but I personally can't see what they are.
Candlewitch
8 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you my friend, Leslie
You are always so generous with your comments and I appreciate that very much!
*much love, Cat