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Uther Pendragon, Igraine and Gorlois (an Epic Narritive poem)

On the stage, Igraine danced with wild abandon to the music in the great Hall
at the dance's finish, a cup of wine gotten, she sat with Gorlois, her loveless mate.
Uther Pendragon and Merlin came invited to rest at their table, to share in the time
Uther, instantly smitten by lust's bite for Igraine, alas, her man he came to hate!

Embers put to flame in Igraine, she writhed in the bottomless pit of forbidden desires
as she looked on Uther's scared face, he caught the smolder in the hue of her eyes.
their gazes crossed, they locked in recognizing the mutual adoration and carnality.
Gorlois sensing the change in atmosphere had gone fickle, not knowing he was soon to die.

Later Uther demanded Merlin help him get this woman for his own at any cost
"Did you see the keen looks she rained upon me?" Uther cried, lost to reason
Seeing it no use to argue with the besotted King, Merlin called the mist
and the green dragon, would see to Gorlois' death, sin of perpetrated treason...

Igraine only knew that in warning Uther, it gave him a fair fighting chance to overcome
She was annoyed that her husband Gorlois could stoop to such cowardly tactical schemes.
Ashamed of her husband's behavior of the low born, He lost face in her opinion
She went back to her silken bed to sleep, tossing and uneasy, she made contact in dreams.

Gorlois made plans to attack Uther, to take his life in his battle camp on this night
Igraine, through her craft went by way of the ether, in flowing gown to Uther's tent
Calling out his name, she awakened Uther from his fevered dreams, giving warning
treachery was about working its darkness swirling, Gorlois attacked but instead was rent.

Meanwhile Merlin fashioned a spell of glamor, swapping Uther's face for Gorlois'
then calling for the magic mists and green haze of dragons disguising fogs
Uther drove his steed faster and with great speed over the verdant landscape
passed the heavily guarded gates of his enemy's kingdom past armored men and dogs.

Wearing the face of his mortal enemy, he took the stairs at a rapid clip
bursting into Gorlois and Igraine's chamber, a smoldering fervor in his eye,
finding her reclining on the bed pillows brushing her long flowing locks,
her surprise to see him was genuine... he flew at her as she let out a cry.

Gorlois and Igraine's passion had much cooled, but he was a jealous, covetous man
Igraine, was a good and constant woman and wife...never had she been unfaithful or unchaste
Uther, as Gorlois, kept his face in shadow, not completely trusting in the magical disguise
Uther/Gorlois lay her down and took her with such desire as to satisfy with loving grace.

Next morning, news came to Igraine, of her duke's demise on the field of battle
Uther took over Gorlois' properties and lands and Igraine, whom he wed, gave him a child, a son
Arthur, by name who would one day be a King, ruling in Camelot's dawning golden era.
He would die at the hands of his son, Mordred, whose killing blow saw Camelot undone!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: There 5 types of narrative poetry. I wrote this one as "Epic Narrative" Here you may find the five types: https://writers.com/narrative-poem-definition#prose v

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

7 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Uther Pendragon, Igraine and Gorlois (reworked!)" is a narrative piece that tells a story from Arthurian legend in a dramatic and engaging way. The use of archaic language and the structure of the poem, which is mostly in rhymed quatrains, help to create an atmosphere of medieval romance and intrigue.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. The first is in the use of language. While the archaic style is effective in setting the scene, there are moments where the language becomes overly complex or unclear. For example, the phrase "she writhed in the bottomless pit of forbidden desires" is a bit confusing and could be simplified for clarity.

The second area for improvement is the pacing of the poem. The story moves very quickly, and as a result, some of the emotional depth and character development are lost. Slowing down the narrative and spending more time on the characters' thoughts and feelings could help to create a more engaging and emotionally resonant poem.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of meter. While the poem mostly uses a four-beat line, there are moments where this pattern is disrupted, which can be jarring for the reader. Consistent meter would help to create a more rhythmic and musical quality in the poem.

Overall, the poem is a compelling retelling of an Arthurian legend, but could be improved with clearer language, slower pacing, and more consistent use of meter.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Alex Tanner

7 months 2 weeks ago

Hello Cat

Oh! Cat I hate it when I feel compelled to comment on something into which so much effort has gone and yet does nothing for me. I suppose I am being subjective more than anything. Yes you have the legend right, or as right as legends would have us believe but to me you have simply stated the story. It lacks fire, it lacks passion. It needs something to lift it out of the ordinary, and that is not easy to do with such a well known tale. I am so sorry to be so critical, perhaps if you stretched the telling out as you did with D day you would find it a more powerful piece. There! I've had my say and I won't be in the least offended if you tell me to **** off.