judyanne

Aug 13, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

vagary

sleep-work, work- sleep
days drift
immersed in a void
of sameness

mind tires
concentration slips
reality tips
the hologram quivers

an insubstantial shimmer
reveals a glimpse
a glimpse

but
with only the tools of the mirror
the soul cannot grasp

time melts
as rain and shine, dark and light
slither past
on the way
to future ennui

and
the illusion persists
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

Comments

Esker

12 years 11 months ago

additions..

"immersed in a vex
of echolailia.."

someting like this

judyanne

12 years 11 months ago

thanks esker

do you mean your suggestion (which i like very much btw) to finish off the write or to replace / enhance the beginning?

love judy
xxx

judyanne

12 years 11 months ago

thanks crud

your supportive comment
me lud
relieves my torment
love judd
xxx

weirdelf

12 years 11 months ago

beautifully witten,

enticing hints of beyond the veil.

Frankly, I found the ending a tad disappointing, as if the quiver/shiver/glimpse is totally lost. Just me, but I think I would find it more satisfying if those last two lines offered some hope that the glimpse might grow or be repeated.

Maybe a different poem, maybe I'm just trying too hard to give you some critique [grins]

judyanne

12 years 11 months ago

thank you very much jess

for the very supportive comments.

lol - an interesting suggestion - i will consider it, but i do think the glimpse is usually totally lost ... through lack of the understanding of, and the lack of its ability to be rationalised, in the first place

love judy
xxx

weirdelf

12 years 11 months ago

remember the meaning of your title

In fact I question the title.
I say again, these moments are not alone or lost. They re-occur and are remembered, perhaps leading to more.

judyanne

12 years 11 months ago

yes jess,

Yes ok i agree with you really, they are not lost, but i never meant the poem, nor my comment above to mean they are. it was meant to mean that the moment is lost, gone. The moment’s gone before it has started, and the illusion persists

and yes too, vagary
1. an unpredictable or erratic action, occurrence, course, or instance

2. a whimsical, wild, or unusual idea, desire, or action

but the origin of the word is: ‘in sense “wandering journey”; apparently < Latin vagārī to wander’

actually you know, most of the time i hate giving my poems titles

love judy
xxx

Esker

12 years 11 months ago

Title threads

I always comprehended the importance of title thread
I just threw that away when I wrote mine

but of course in published mediums from bookshelves
off major chains where the money is at
I see the relevance
see why its important to let people follow the chain
the thoughts

I push my poetry hard Not greatly hard like some
that I met people with far greater minds then I
who were also doing art installations

I like the title in this
its like being in court an entrance line
and then the offense or defense of
your statements

basic oration
like soapbox poetry

as if I was to write a title
CRAYOLA
and then describe my toe nail clippings

I like the "shimmery" feel of this write
and I like Elfs thoughts

Thank You

Esker

12 years 11 months ago

Oh your poem I like too heres my take..

"the melting time that
shivers past the rain
the shine
of dark and light
that creature
ennui.."

I love your words Judy
working them about
just my fragment of your
already well made poem

judyanne

12 years 11 months ago

thanks steve

i'm glad you like the title
most of the time i wish i didn't have to give them one

and as usual, your take on my poem is exquisite
love judy
xxx

Ian.T

12 years 11 months ago

Judy

I am at a loss here as some of the words contradict the feeling, that the word,Ennui:- Boring depicts the poem well then you have a title that says:-
Vagary:- An extravagant or erratic notion or action,.. If the later should happen then the boredom would be gone..I think that Jess touched on this subject..
Now if the last lines were:-

to future Vagary
and
the illusion disperses

This would then make the title:- Ennui

Hey I am in trouble! I can feel it racing across the Oceans faster than a tsunami, LOL Yours with great thoughts, Ian.T