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Apr 16, 2025
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A Vampire's Regret...
Sitting, marveling under the "Hunters moon,"
knowing there is no end to time's passage...
From my rooftop I can see eternity,
as a night without cessation.
in my dead heart I carry
a faint echo of its last beat,
reverberating in my highly tuned ears
like the sharp pealing of a church bell.
Watching lovers walking hand-in-hand
strolling to their scented bowers.
Lamenting, I will never know
the sense of completion, by two.
I hear a brass bell ringing out
signaling the witching hour is here,
a time for magical deeds, and warnings.
Midnight has been and gone again,
three a.m. approaches on air currents
of this favored hour of my existence.
I might rest easy now to cradle my head,
enjoying sounds coming with darkness...
The rustle of leaves in the trees,
creatures of the night stalking prey
and the silence of my own listening!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: eddy styx notepad. 04-20-2025
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem explores familiar themes of isolation, immortality, and longing through the perspective of a vampire figure. To strengthen the piece, consider the following points:
1. Imagery and Originality:
The poem employs common vampire tropes (moonlight, eternity, loneliness). To deepen the reader's engagement, consider introducing more unique or unexpected imagery. For example, the phrase "highly tuned ears" could be expanded or replaced with a more vivid or original sensory detail.
2. Language Precision:
Pay attention to word choice and clarity. The phrase "sharp peeling of near-by bell" seems to contain a typo or confusion between "peeling" and "pealing." Clarifying this word choice ("pealing" is likely intended) would enhance readability and precision.
3. Emotional Depth:
The poem conveys regret and longing, but the emotional impact could be intensified by providing more specific details or memories. For instance, the stanza about lovers strolling could benefit from more concrete imagery or emotional specificity to evoke a stronger sense of loss or yearning.
4. Structure and Rhythm:
The poem currently has a somewhat loose structure. Consider refining the rhythm or line breaks to enhance the poem's musicality and flow. For example, the transition between stanzas could be more deliberate, emphasizing shifts in mood or thought.
5. Consistency of Tone:
The poem shifts slightly between a reflective, melancholy tone and a more descriptive, observational one. Clarifying the speaker's emotional stance or maintaining a more consistent tone throughout could help unify the poem's overall effect.
By addressing these areas, the poem can achieve greater emotional resonance, originality, and clarity.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ruby Lord
2 months 1 week ago
Hi Cat, I enjoyed the flow,
Hi Cat, I enjoyed the flow, the movement or surges grow between each stanza. The sense of time slowing, hangs in your word choice, stalking, staring, strolling. These hold time in this place.
I would have liked to see more conflict, in particular, between desire and self-hatred of your vampire, it just needs a little more spit and perhaps a bit of blood? Ruby xx
Candlewitch
2 months 1 week ago
Dear Ruby,
it is more about his loneliness. I will consider your suggestions. thank you my poetic friend!
fondly, Cat
Unca Fez
2 months ago
There Are Regrets, But...
There are regrets. Of that there is no doubt. Seeing the things that he can never experience. But, he has accepted what he does have and finds some joy in that. The same can be said for most of us... at least those of us who have come to realize what is and isn't possible.
Candlewitch
2 months ago
Sometimes...
It takes a lifetime to reach that understanding, and sometimes it carries over to reincarnation..
much love, one of your cats