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R
raj
Follow raj
Nov 29, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Veiled Damsel

Each flower blooms
with charm and grace.
The one hid by leaves
isn't shy.
It craves to be seen
and inhaled,
like a veiled damsel.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 4 months ago

lovely!

May I just suggest, it is a personal quirk of mine that we should strive to avoid the word beauty in poetry. Perhaps elegance, delicacy even robust grace.

R

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Hi Jess

Thank you for reading and your suggestion. I will try to change the word without affecting the intent..

I have now gone with your suggestion by changing it to elegance...may even opt for charm..juggling words right now..

Thanks again...
.......................................

R

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Thanks Jess for your nod of

Thanks Jess for your nod of approval for the change
......................................................

Geezer

Geezer

7 years 4 months ago

You did...

just fine in changing the words, although I didn't see the first set. I am going to assume that the words that you replaced with "charm and grace" had the "beauty". I like it just fine the way it is right now. It gives me the sense of a young girl that is hidden behind a veil; because of her faith and religion. A girl that longs to have her face seen and appreciated. ~ Geezer.
.

R

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Thanks Geezer

for taking time to read and comment....good to know you liked it...

initial words were beauty and grace, which I changed to elegance and grace and then charm and grace...
................................................

lovedly

lovedly

7 years 4 months ago

O raj_sublime

you have a veiled( beauty)
charm of your own poetry
surface unlike me
let the world see ye
o veiled (beauty) charm and spasm
combined
one can imagine
let one's mind
orgasm