Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 09, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
View from atop the mountain
Like ants insignificant,
In a landscape of fern,
And fauna all consuming.
Yet deathly silent,
In a time freeze way.
Oh perfect vision,
That you display.
With air so thin,
That breath gets sucked.
And the heart feels giddy,
In wondrous awe.
At this expanse,
Like an eagle's soar.
A view that spans,
More than eye can see.
Untainted by humanity.
Yet this perfection,
Gets disrupted.
When darkness cloud,
Comes rolling in.
To spoil the beauty,
Of that far off land.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider clarifying the imagery and sensory details to enhance the reader's experience. The shift from describing the vastness and beauty of the scene to the disruption by darkness could be made more impactful by deepening the emotional or symbolic significance of the "darkness cloud." Additionally, phrases such as "deathly silent, in a time freeze way" could be further refined or expanded to provide clearer imagery or more precise emotional resonance. The comparison to ants and the eagle's perspective effectively conveys scale, but consider varying or deepening these metaphors to avoid familiar or predictable imagery. Finally, the rhythm and line breaks could be adjusted to more effectively guide the reader through the shifts in tone and imagery.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month 2 weeks ago
I enjoyed...
the rolling rhythm of this from the beginning.
You have chosen words that go together without rhyming.
Nicely done, the thoughts are clear and the rhythm smooth.
~ Geez.
.
Tigger Kaz
1 month 2 weeks ago
Thank you
Always appreciate your feedback.
Non rhyming poetry doesn't come as naturally to me.
Therefore I am glad it turned out ok.