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VIRGIN verses by Lou and chorus by Hooded Stranger
You smiled at me and melted my defences
Impure thoughts, invaded my brain
Body ached to let you in
But I was a naive miss
When you were in my bed ,
Virgin eyes devoured your
creamy caramel thighs..
Tongue sampled your liquid centre
Together we combine as two into one
Rampant urges within our loins so strong
To fulfill this longing controlling our lust
To have you now, is our obsessional must
Unskilled hands cupped and caressed ,
You played my body and rang out every maiden note.
At once elated and ashamed, virtue’s claret spilt.
Terrified I would be considered a slut.
Youthful fascination, controlled my vigorous frame.
Lust filled urges flowed freely.
I worshipped your body, until mine was spent.
Emotions overthrown, and yet so needy
Together we combine as two into one
Rampant urges within our loins so strong
To fulfill this longing controlling our lust
To have you now, is our obsessional must
Loved and lost many times since then.
But none can touch, the impure hunger
That we both gave so openly.
Held together in first loves flame.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Hooded stranger added the chorus and came up with the conversation angle,of the poem. Thank you Hooded Stranger
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Comments
lou
14 years 8 months ago
much love
much love
lou
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Thanks
thanks Xena,
the poem is supposed to the girl and boy's pont of view, i realise i need to rewrite it so that it is obvious it's a conversation between the two people.
lou
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Xena
No worries lol
Lou
ziggy
14 years 8 months ago
hi
well well lou i see you posted it, your fast becoming the co write queen, steamy stuff read and enjoyed ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Zig
Thanks
judyanne
14 years 8 months ago
awesome write lou and dan
the two voices were quite clear to me lou
- at least i mean i could see there were two voices, a couple of times i didn't know who was talking
- but that actually made the poem more effective
as i think it blended the couple's thoughts to imply that male and female both have the same emotions, fears, etc...
some parts i had to read with my hands over my eyes...... (smile)
love
judy
xxxx
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Hi
Dan had the idea for the coversation style and he wrote the repeated chorus.
I wrote the rest, sorry if my part was too steamy haha.
Lou xx
Hooded Stranger
14 years ago
Judy
Judy,
apologies for missing this comment first time around.
I am pleased the two voices were clear, it wasn't as easy to do as I first thought.
Book review - I haven't forgotten, I have just been really busy, but it is on my list to be finished next week.
regards,
HS
Hooded Stranger
14 years 8 months ago
Lou
firstly, I must say what a fantastic chorus!! Lol!
As you know I read the first draft of this and although it was good...ish...it needed a little something. The conversational aspect has done the trick and it reads wonderfully now.
Good job.
HS
lou
14 years 8 months ago
HS
Nice to see a little modesty lol
Thanks
Lou
RoseBlack
2 years 6 months ago
Well done
Good collaboration, the two voices were separate and clear. The story of loves first intimate moments catch the readers attention. Good job