Hooded Stranger

Sep 10, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Voice

Burning words drenched through
soaked with fuel
spiked with poison my
venomous soul
once trapped
suffocated
banished within
my serpents tongue
Forked and forced into a
curl
so tight
breathing life of fume
and dancing flame
beating as one with rage
fighting to
unfurl
like the torrential force
of the coming storm
with rapid erosion
a crushing wave
streaks of lightning
crack open the dark
with piranha teeth
these words spiral
spin, bite and
swirl
escaping my mouth with
a grimace that snarls
the sparks shower like
a welders torch
relentless
they singe, they scream
boil and
scorch
these my words
my beacon, my moment
My voice

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Just trying something different - this is a potential, fast spoken intro or outro to a song...haven't decided yet - HS

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West England, GBR

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath (poet), Caitlin Mattison/Eddy Styx (poet 'candlewitch'), Enda Collins (poet 'ziggy'), Martin Gore (lyricist for Depeche Mode), Neil Tennant (lyricist for Pet Shop Boys), Stefan Großmann (lyricist for Absurd Minds), Lemmy Kilmister (lyricist for Motörhead), Nathan Reiner (lyricist for Third Realm), Wayne Hussey (lyricist for The Mission), Leonard Cohen (lyricist), Tom Shear (lyricist for Assemblage 23), Clint Carney (lyricist for System Syn & Fake), Ronan Harris (lyricist for VNV Nation), Aaron Lewis (lyricist for Staind), Jason Charles Miller (lyricist for Godhead), Torben Wendt (lyricist for Diorama), Adrian Hates (lyricist for Diary Of Dreams)

Comments

Hooded Stranger

14 years 1 month ago

Rosi

Rosi,

thanks for the comment. I am not sure quite where these words came from as I was quite relaxed when I wrote them. It didn't turn out how I originally intended.

I wanted to have the poem build up and then just as I was going to release the words...silence exploded from my mouth. The idea being that it was going to be a spoken ending to a song and the song would finished immediately as I said the "silence exploded..." and the song would stop dead.

However, it is how you see it now, but may well change if and when I find the right set of lyrics to become the song to accompany this.

I had some help from Ziggy too with the lines as I was using way too many words and he cut out some to make it more punchy!

Glad you enjoyed it!

kind regards,

Hooded Stranger

14 years 1 month ago

Zigs

Zigs is well and still writing. I haven't seen him on Neo much but he posts on HS and is as good as ever.

I'll try to hold back my true venom...for a rainy day!

LOL!

magics02

14 years 1 month ago

You feel better now Dan

Yes get it out of your system it is naturally healthy to do this you know. On the other hand if you carry a serpent in your pocket every day I am going to have to have you leave it at the door before you visit to my porch LMAO...I need to write one of these again and it reminds me of the Eddy Styx series with Golden Gal. I forgot who my alter ego maniacal is. Hmmm I am going to have to check with Cat to see is she remembers his or was it a her name.

He been bad so he been in closet for some time maybe it is time to take him out and give him a whipping of words he needs (notice how I say it is a He) hmmm tells me much here:)

Wink be safe be courteous and love one another. Or try to at least

Blessings to you

Mona Mia
xoxo

Hooded Stranger

14 years 1 month ago

Mona

I actually wrote this is a calm state, it just came out on the page.

I won't lower the tone with any jokes about having a snake in my pocket because that would be childish...LOL!

You need to paint your porch it is looking shabby! LOL!

I look forward to you releasing your alter ego...I can't recall his name either.

Be courteous to others?...what fun is that?

I guess this is a tough weekend with the anniversary, but stay strong and chat soon,

magics02

14 years 1 month ago

Snakes trains and automobilies

You have to empty out those venom once in a while too much will poison your system :0 nothing chickless about snakes.. hope all is fine and no paint I can hardly sit here and type friend

Ciao bella maria:)

Hooded Stranger

14 years 1 month ago

Lonnie

Lonnie,

cheers mate. It is still undergoing change but I am happy with the foundations so far,

Thanks for dropping by,

regards,

Hooded Stranger

14 years 1 month ago

Chrys

Chrys,

are you challenging me to turn this into a lyric?

This was supposed to be an outro to a song, but if you want lyrics...lyrics you shall have!

regards,

Candlewitch

14 years 1 month ago

Dear Dan,

It is really hard to pick favorite lines, as they are all so good. Today I like:

like the torrential force
of the coming storm
with rapid erosion
a crushing wave

Always, Cat

Hooded Stranger

14 years 1 month ago

Cat

Cat,

thanks for the positive vibe - I am always unsure when I post a poem rather than lyrics, so it is good to have positive comments from great poets,

cheers,

lou

14 years 1 month ago

Dan

As you know I have already given you my opinion on this one, but I would just like to say I still think it is a powerful piece, and I don't feel it needs to be changed in any way.

Good stuff.

Lou

Hooded Stranger

14 years 1 month ago

Lou

Lou,

yup I do know your opinions on this one already, but I appreciate you telling me all over again because it helps with my ego!

LOL!

Bloodstone

14 years 1 month ago

Hi Dan, long time since I've

Hi Dan, long time since I've read your work, long time since I've been around...

Very nice piece, I found myself reading faster and faster.. with a quick deceleration at the end.
I then read your note about using this in a song and re-read it. Let us know when its recorded:)

Are you still in a band? I forgot the name...

Hooded Stranger

14 years 1 month ago

Bloodstone

Bloodtsone,

good to see you my friend and yes it has been too long!

I haven't done much else with this one yet, but you got it right about being a fast piece with a slow conclusion.

I am trying to pen a lyrics where this one can be slotted in at the end as an outro. I'll keep you posted.

Yes, still in the band and happily making the album...it is taking time, but we are in no rush...we want it to be right.

www.systemasynthetica.net

kind regards,