Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Sep 03, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Void-made King
Born a hidden hand, a silent guide,
A natural gray cardinal — never in the light.
He pulled the strings behind the stage,
A ghost of wisdom, veiled in age.
He fell a thousand times or more,
But rose again, though bruised and sore.
No glory songs, no crowd's applause,
Just scars that whispered of the cause.
He saved them all — the weak, the strong,
He bore their burdens all along.
But who will catch him when he breaks?
The heart can only take so much it takes.
The hero smiled, but turned away,
The “villain” chose the harder way.
With steel resolve and quiet grace,
He bore the weight none else could face.
The world adored the golden knight,
But missed the one who fought the night.
For in the end, it came to be,
The villain had more heart than he.
They called him cruel, they called him wrong,
But silence held him all along.
And when they saw him step through flame,
He was no longer quite the same.
He left the shadows not to reign —
But broken, hollowed out by pain.
No crown, no cheers, no songs to sing —
Just ashes for the Void-made King.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
3 weeks 3 days ago
I suppose...
that I should be able to figure out, the personages referenced here, but I cannot. However, I found the premise extremely well done. The rhyme is very good, and I was pleased with the meter for the most part. One line just twisted my tongue so badly, that I stopped and re-read it numerous times; even after I had finished the poem, I could not get past it.
"The heart can only take so much it takes." Maybe say: There's only so much the heart can take?
Well done, ~ Geezer.
.
Rula
3 weeks 3 days ago
Totally agree
With sir Gee on that line.
This reads much like King Arthur's knight stories? Anyways this was an enjoyable read indeed!
Thank you for sharing.
Lavender
3 weeks 2 days ago
Void-Made King
Hello, Anna,
I, too, may need a bit of clarification on the person or persons spoken about, but the language is strong. I have my inclinations, but don't want to be second-guessing such a powerful poem.
"The heart can only take so much it takes" does seem a bit awkward. Possibly remove "...it takes."
I'll return after your response.
Thank you!
L
Alex Tanner
3 weeks 2 days ago
Hello Anna
Loved it. This is a piece that, I think, allows the reader, or performer to put their own slant on it, let their own imagination feed meaning to the words. Here I will disagree with the comments on that line. As an actor, now retired, it just need a pause, put a comma, or better still an em dash after take. This work makes me think of the writing of some of the poets of earlier times,and dare I say it? I feel a wee bit envious that I did not pen it. Very Well Done. Alex