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Jul 22, 2022
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Voyage of The Rum Runner... Chapter II
The storm roared
as a living thing
throughout the night
only to whimper away
at the appearance
of the brash sun.
The flotsam of our brave ship
spread upon the shore
gave the only proof
of her demise.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Jackweb
2 years 12 months ago
I love ...
"The storm roared
as a living thing
throughout the night
only to whimper away
at the appearance
of the brash sun."
The the usage of personification in the poem. It creates an image in the reader's mind in a more engaging way.
You're a poetic master!
Nice piece!
.
Geezer
2 years 12 months ago
Thank you...
Those are my favorite lines also. I thought of the sun being brash, because it appeared as though nothing had happened and was as hot and merciless as any other day. ~ Geez.
.
scribbler
2 years 12 months ago
Hi Gee
you alway manage to get a lot into a few words
Geezer
2 years 12 months ago
Yeah, though...
sometimes, I am wordy as all get out! Thanks for the read and comments
~ Geez.
.
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 12 months ago
I suppose I’m going to have to insert myself into this tale
Hopefully in the morning
RoseBlack
2 years 12 months ago
I love this
Simple, short write with an excellent story. I look forward to reading more about this.
Candlewitch
2 years 12 months ago
dear Rose,
it all started with "The Voyage Of The Rum Runner" by Candlewitch and continues by talented poets.
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
2 years 12 months ago
We are...
having an unofficial round-robin. Just a little something to keep things fresh around here. I can make it an oficial kind of thing by compilng a list and having people going in turn, if there is enough interest. ~ Geez.
.
RoseBlack
2 years 12 months ago
I have interest
Perhaps a new activity here on Neo? I kind of like the informal challenges like we have been doing with colors as well!! I think it really brought out some of the best in all of us. We have lots of new members that are actively participating so they may be interested in some of these activities as well.
Geezer
2 years 12 months ago
I will cogitate...
on this new development. Glad to see that there is interest. Informal is good, but there will have to be a little structure. I think that a list to keep things from getting out of hand and order should be a prerequisite. Few rules, but at least a couple. Thanks for showing interest. ~ Geez.
.
RoseBlack
2 years 12 months ago
Structure is a must
To keep the flow going and keep everything on task. I am excited to see what comes of this :)
Candlewitch
2 years 12 months ago
good work, Geez,
your continuation is mighty fine! I cannot choose favorite lines or break apart something that stands on it's own two feet. nice work!
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
2 years 12 months ago
As I have...
indicated to RoseBlack, I like the idea well enough to make it an official kind of thing, if there seems to be enough interest.
I will think upon the whole idea and come up with a proposal. Thanks for getting this started. ~ Geez.
.