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Oct 19, 2024
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vulnerable
On my knees
On the bathrooms floor
Hollow skreems
Never ending pain
On my knees
Begging to be heard
All the sorrow
Never ending fight
On my knees
before Him
Vulnerable
Giving my all
On my knees
With all that is keeping me down
But on my knees
And Jesus sits here too
I feel His presence
I feel His love
It invelop me
It overwhelms me
Vulnerable
And now I see
That it's only Him
With me
Vulnerable
And now I know
This is how He
Makes me Grow
Vulnerable
When everything is wrong
It is only Him
That makes me strong
Vulnerable
When I'm on my knees
It's only Him
That I see's
Vulnerable
With my heart wide open
He fixs
All that is broken
Vulnerable
I speak Jesus
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
9 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "vulnerable" is a deeply emotional piece that explores themes of faith, struggle, and personal growth. It effectively uses repetition to emphasize the speaker's state of vulnerability and reliance on their faith. The repeated phrase "On my knees" sets a tone of humility and surrender, which is further developed throughout the poem.
However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. Firstly, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery. The repetition, while effective in places, can also make the poem feel somewhat monotonous. Introducing new images or metaphors could help to maintain the reader's interest and provide a richer exploration of the poem's themes.
Secondly, the poem contains several spelling errors, such as "skreems" instead of "screams" and "invelop" instead of "envelop". These errors can be distracting for the reader and detract from the overall impact of the poem.
Lastly, the poem's rhythm and meter could be more consistent. At present, the lines vary significantly in length, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Working to establish a more consistent rhythm could enhance the poem's musicality and make it more engaging to read.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively conveys a sense of vulnerability and faith, it could be improved through more varied language, corrected spelling, and a more consistent rhythm.
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