Waiting!

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Waiting!" presents a dark and somber tone, exploring themes of mortality, despair, and the passage of time. The use of imagery is effective in conveying the bleakness of the speaker's outlook, particularly in the first two stanzas where the decay of the body after death is described.

However, the transition from the second stanza to the third could be smoother. The shift from the grave to singing a happy tune is abrupt and might confuse readers. Perhaps adding a transitional line or stanza could help bridge this gap and make the poem's progression more coherent.

The use of the phrase "grinding all my gears" in the third stanza seems out of place. This phrase is typically used to express annoyance or frustration, which doesn't align with the overall tone of the poem. A more fitting phrase could enhance the poem's consistency.

In the final stanza, the speaker mentions "Waiting for the End of Times". This phrase could be more impactful if it were further developed or explained. As it stands, it's a bit vague and leaves readers wondering about its significance.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most lines are short and declarative, which can become monotonous. Experimenting with longer lines or more complex sentence structures could add interest and depth to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

is good, the language use equally so.
The pace and rhythm went well with the theme, and I don't agree with the A.I.
about anything it has to say. I understood this poem readily with no problems of continuity between the second and third stanzas. The stark reality of people in nursing homes and other long-term facilities, is a problem that many such places
have and I know that many of them barely have enough personnel to care for those who cannot do for themselves; let alone make life interesting for those who are not mentally impaired and long for connections and things to do. It is a shame, that we as a country do not place more emphasis on extended families, and the care of the elder generation.

Thank you for being a friend who can make us aware of the agony spent in such places. ~ Geez.
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I certainly don't agree with AI. I seldom do, it may give a little technical advice but because it has no soul it cannot read as it should. I have no problem reading this, it rhymes and moves at a good pace. Alex

...I enjoyed the rhyme and pace in your poem. I am somewhat impressed how it reads so smoothly even if the meter is not perfectly synchronized.
I lost my concentration on S3L4 "grinding all my gears", though...
If you're taking suggestions, how about something along the lines of
"wishing joy would reappear" Keep up your writing!

Thomas

I spent some time in a nursing home after a minor surgery. I am in a wheelchair most of the time. I can walk short distances, with my cane. They told me that I had to go to the cafeteria for meals. I cannot wheel my own chair because of having arthritis in my joints. I was told that I Must do so, or I would get no meals. Steven had a talk with her involving reporting her to the AMA or something like that.

Anyway, I understand how heartless and difficult being in a nursing home can be. I was okay because Steven came every day to see me. I hope you will feel better tomorrow. I do not agree with AI!!! I had no trouble reading this poem. Good work in communication.

*love, Cat