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Jul 23, 2018
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Waiting Patiently
I've stared at stars endlessly
I've liked the way they smile up there in the sky,
the shiny ones and the white ones
I've wondered when our black stars will shine.
when will it shine
from this harassment of mosquitoes-
begging me at night as if were lovers
demonic toilets and bathrooms
waiting for whom to possess
baby crying in a one room apartment of hungry six brothers,
angry sisters, mother and father.
my black star,
will i ever see you shine?
will i ever see you smile and dance with your brothers white
i will patiently until the blacks shine.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Simon
6 years 10 months ago
Hello chiori
It's painful and heart breaking when pushing hard to archive a desire but yet watching it passing you by, no doubt you are feeling the heat but the only best way is waiting patiently. Thanks for this poem.