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R
raj
Nov 08, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Wall Scripts

walls hold stories
aged under layers of paint
piled one over the other
pink, blue, scarlet, off white
like cover pages of a book
reminders of
the shades and smells
faded over time

a mirror on the wall
flips page after page
making me hop, step and jump
into the present

I jump out of the window
knock on the door
listening to the echoes of songs
playing in rewind

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

6 years 8 months ago

love this poem raj

I just have to question the last line...that high pitch noise, a shrill of alien sound, of songs played in rewind...which I guess means via tape as is the only way to "rewind"..just can't catch that image with the wall. Just ending with

listening to the echoes songs

works for me. Anybody else agree?

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Thanks for sparing your

Thanks for sparing your valuable time to read my scribbles
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IRiz

IRiz

6 years 8 months ago

this is a great write, my

this is a great write, my friend!
i like the imagery,
the idea,
the bitterness, and the echoes of the wind chimes.

the list of colors talks to the list of your memories, and reinforced by the image of the the pages of your life flipping in front of your eyes in the mirror (great figurative speech).
Your jumping out of the window and then knocking on the door made me think. Don't you think that jumping is a kind of final act? are you knocking in the gates of post life? I associate echo and chimes with ghosts. Was it your intention?
Thank you very much for another delightful write.

Sincerely your friend, Irene

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Appreciate sparing your

Appreciate sparing your valuable time to read my scribbles

many thanks and regards
..................................................................................

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

not at all angry...i respect

not at all angry...i respect time of others and their choices...
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S

scribbler

6 years 8 months ago

Hey raj

I like walls too. They tell tales but often hold secrets too. As this poem illustrates the tales they tell can be defined by the listener as much as the teller....stan

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Thanks Stan for taking time

Thanks Stan for taking time to read my scribbles and comment. Appreciated.
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Roscoe Lane

Roscoe Lane

6 years 8 months ago

As stan,

As stan say's walls have many secrets, and as your poem says stories to tell. Sitting here I look at my own walls, and wonder what stories they would be telling. But we humans can build many different walls, some only in our heads. I think this is part of what your poem is saying. Regards Roscoe..

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Thanks Roscoe for taking time

Thanks Roscoe for taking time for reading my scribbles and your analysis. Appreciated..
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IRiz

IRiz

6 years 8 months ago

:( I liked the old version

:( I liked the old version better,
why did need to make it into completely different poem?
why don't you write a new one?

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Ok IRiz...will give it a

Ok IRiz...will give it a thought and may be revert to the original version.
.....................................................................................................

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Hi IRiz

it would be my privilege even to think that you find it worth posting on Instagram. Feel free friend Wait, I'll revert to the original....

P.S.: I've now reverted to the original
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IRiz

IRiz

6 years 8 months ago

I have on two different

I have on two different backgrounds.
Look tomorrow in the InstaFolder , the link in my last blog.

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Hi IRiz

found one via the link on a blue background which brought on an instant smile. Thanks. You've said two backgrounds, so will keep an eye to see the other one.

P.S.: Just now found the other one too on a brownstone relic...looks pretty appropriate background for the theme....you are so artistic...thanks again dear friend...
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IRiz

IRiz

6 years 8 months ago

I don't have the Neopoet

I don't have the Neopoet login yet, i will start posting there soon.
Pls let me know if you want to change anything, we still have plenty of time.

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

are you saying the location

are you saying the location would change once you have the neopoet login?
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R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Ok. Will do

Ok. Will do
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themoonman

themoonman

6 years 8 months ago

Hi,

I hope you don't mind me leaving
a few thoughts ... I really like the imagery
here, could the poem be improved, sure.

There is usually room for improvements.
Your title is lazy, give it a name that follows
your theme which isn't really walls, it is what
is contained within.

Some of the music needs tweaking here and
there but that part is up to you and your reading
aloud. The words "the shade" can be omitted to
help the flow and they are redundant because
"shadow" is pretty much the same thing..

I'd also remove the first "jump" which is in
the second stanza ....

again, I hope you don't mind, great content
peeling back the layers.

thanaks for posting

R

raj

6 years 8 months ago

Hi Richard

thanks for finding time to read and comment...i do agree with some of your suggestions and shall adopt them...however the "jump" in second stanza is relevant to indicate that i reminisce about the stories and then quickly brought back to the present...besides hop step jump i believe has a good rhythm...

thanks again
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