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Dec 24, 2024
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The Wall of Sound
I am part of the wall of sound
Just one of one hundred voices
Each one
Contributing a piece
To make the song complete
The wall of sound
Is powerful
And gives me the power
To contribute one voice
To the unison of voices
Together
We all work
In one direction
And with one goal
To make beautiful music
We help each other
In so many ways
By encouraging
By actively helping
By being there
And working in oneness
We move
We groove
We smile
We add value
And we are disciplined
The parts only move together
With one voice
In unity
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I wrote this poem about my experience with the massed choir for Carols By Candlelight over the last three days, last night being the culmination of two days of intensive rehearsal. I kept thinking about the concept of a wall of voices working as one. The atmosphere and camaraderie is sublime. For me, personally, the singing highlight of my year, one that was totally unexpected but more than welcome. So many take outs from this experience in terms of my singing as an Alto, how I place myself in the choir in terms of my weekly rehearsal location and just the fact that I have built confidence that I can take a leap of faith and just jump in and get things done. So looking forward to 2025 and what I learn in choir rehearsals .
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem titled "The Wall of Sound" presents a clear theme of unity and collaboration, using the metaphor of a choir or orchestra to illustrate the power of collective effort. The repetition of certain phrases, such as "one voice" and "in unity", reinforces this theme and gives the poem a rhythmic quality.
However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery and sensory details to make the metaphor more vivid and engaging. For example, instead of stating "We move, We groove, We smile", the poem could describe the specific movements, sounds, or expressions that contribute to the "wall of sound".
The poem also tends to tell rather than show the reader its themes and ideas. For instance, the lines "We help each other, In so many ways, By encouraging, By actively helping, By being there, And working in oneness" could be more impactful if they showed specific instances of this mutual support and unity, rather than simply stating that it exists.
Lastly, the poem's structure could be refined for better flow and impact. The short, simple lines can create a sense of rhythm, but they also risk becoming monotonous or simplistic. Experimenting with varied line lengths, more complex sentence structures, or different stanza forms could add depth and interest to the poem.
In summary, while the poem effectively communicates its central theme of unity and collective effort, it could be improved with more specific and vivid imagery, a more show-don't-tell approach to its themes, and a more varied and complex structure.
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