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Jan 24, 2015
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Washed Up Lovers...
Washed Up Lovers…
Lava hot kisses fuelled by
your mischievous blue eyes,
explosions charging through our
bodies, created by touch
ardour, surprise.
Haven’t left our bed for days,
sleep hasn’t come for many an hour
I just want to be here while you amaze,
don’t want to leave that grip of power.
Clinging sweaty dreamlike movement,
wow again I feel that sudden ache.
I wonder will it ever be spent,
then I see your lust remake.
Driven wanton hungry love,
keeps on rolling on warm rocks.
I wouldn’t alter what we have,
keep dipping in your aftershocks.
So now at last we bathe our heat,
hot soapy laughter behind a screen.
These moments aren’t left in defeat,
we’ll never have them washed clean.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Did it really happen...
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
10 years 5 months ago
I liked...
this a lot, I'd say something like, "I could see the scene very vividly", but that would make me a peeping-tom or something! LOL I get the idea behind the next-to-last line, but it does seem a little forced. Maybe you could express it a little differently? Nothing like a shower to relax! ~ Gee
Roscoe Lane
10 years 5 months ago
Thank you Gee,
Thank you Gee, maybe in my head i want it to work so i don't see that line as forced, but i did have some doubts about that part before posting. So at least we share the same concerns, i will give it a little time and see if i get any ideas. Thanks Again, Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Lane
10 years 5 months ago
Thank you Gee,
Thank you Gee, maybe in my head i want it to work so i don't see that line as forced, but i did have some doubts about that part before posting. So at least we share the same concerns, i will give it a little time and see if i get any ideas. Thanks Again, Regards Roscoe...
mand
10 years 5 months ago
Wow
You'll have the women queuing up at the door! Great rhyming - I wondered if "and then I see your lust re-awake" would work better - but then it would make the line longer so it's up to you.
Love the title - and there is a fun element interweaved throughout.
Great poem :)
Love Mand xxxx
Roscoe Lane
10 years 5 months ago
Thank you Mand,
Thank you Mand, i hope your correct about all those women at my door, LOL, i will give some thought to your suggestion. Love Roscoe..