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A WAY OUT
The night is solid black,
there is but one star out,
the moon a thin sliver.
And a sudden fear strikes me,
Which can happen if lost
in the middle of a black forest,
where you could not see the trees,
with barely enough light to see
beyond your outstretched arm.
So, we huddle closely together,
our souls burning like a light tower
against this, scary, too silent night.
We hold our vigil, share our heat,
the way fires can combine as one,
We await the saving light of day.
We await haven’s eye to open
and spotlight two huddled
before the splendid rays of god.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I've been tasked to rewrite Rula's poem, a way out, by adding images. I took a lot of liberties with the poem, in order to build a clear narrative on which to work.
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 1 month ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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paleoray
1 year 1 month ago
A very nice prose piece
filled with nature-final days metaphors. I like your last stanza the most which describes the final journey passage to Heaven. I would however capitalize the last word - "God."
Thank you for this fine post.
Rula
1 year 1 month ago
Hello dearTyro
Nice imagery added all through, I v. much like it though you took it to a very different direction.
Still I appreciate your effort and what you did.
Great job indeed.
P.s I think line two in s. 2 you mean (happen)?
Thank you for sharing.
tyro
1 year ago
hello palioray
thanks for the comment, it's alsway nice when someone finds value in your poem .
Tyro
tyro
1 year ago
Hello dear Rula
I was happy I received your poem to work with. I hope you don't mind I went so far off track.
Tyro
Rula
1 year ago
Dear tyro
Always great to read you!
I think you did really great with this one especially with that punch of imagery.
Thank you so much
scribbler
1 year ago
Hi Tyro
You did well in this in my opinion