William Saint George

Jul 18, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Way Of The Past

That is the way of the past,
Like the pebble that falls
To the bottom of the well.

Swallowed up in the dark
Chasm of Time's gullet;

In the silent drifting
Into the unknown,
And then abruptly ending
With a satisfied splash.

The day is gone,
The clock has ticked away.
The moon has yawn'd.
The night has tured to day.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ghana, GHA

Favorite Poets: William Shakespeare, Lord Byron, John Keats, Percy Shelley, Oscar Wilde, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Henry Longfellow, William Yates, Ezra Pound, Sylvia Plath

Comments

Kailashana2

13 years 12 months ago

I really like this poem. My

I really like this poem. My only suggestion would be to lose the 4th The. End your poem with

Night has turned to day.

Cheers,
Anna

William Saint George

13 years 11 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for your suggestion. I see the point.

weirdelf

13 years 11 months ago

Anna's comment is correct.

And while this is a satisfying poem, I think I yearn for a little more significance. It basically says the past is the past.

William Saint George

13 years 11 months ago

Cosign

I agree with you. There's not much being said in the poem :(

CCfire

13 years 11 months ago

I think what Jess said is relevant..there are some images there but it has no cohesive story to it, if feels like fragments placed together and there is nothing of the author within the poem itself, it doesn't lend itself to a situation you might feel or be going through to draw the reader to have empathy for you through the poem. I guess a good lesson is write what you know and what is happening to you or around you, that way the poem comes across as realism but done with poetic device and metaphor. Oh and in the last line you have 'tured' instead of 'turned' :)

William Saint George

13 years 11 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for the correction...and the advice.

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

I just came back to this after reading "Hark!"

and realised that you posted this while we were doing the "Deep Analysis of Poetry" workshop, so we were kind of looking hard at meaning. [grins]

William Saint George

13 years 8 months ago

Thanks Guys!

Thanks. I really appreciate the harsh criticism. I think that's something special about this place. Thanks for the mood lift. Will be reading (and posting) more.