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Apr 17, 2025
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What came before?
When the storm proceeds the calm,
Or normality came before fame.
Was there ever a time before?
The advent of this sodding game.
As night turned into day,
And winter morphed to spring.
The quiet of dusk falls away,
As the songbirds start to sing.
Whilst blue skies may soon be cloudy,
As departing sunshine, turns to rain.
Yet our darkness may be temporary,
For our joy can come again.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider clarifying the central theme or question posed in the poem, as the opening stanza introduces abstract concepts ("normality," "fame," "sodding game") without fully grounding them in concrete imagery or context. The phrase "sodding game" seems informal compared to the rest of the poem, potentially creating a tonal inconsistency—reconsider whether this aligns with the overall mood and language choice. The second stanza provides clearer imagery with natural transitions ("night turned into day," "winter morphed to spring"), but the third stanza returns to more abstract phrasing ("darkness," "joy") without specific imagery or examples. Strengthening the poem by consistently using concrete imagery or more precise language could help unify the stanzas and clarify the poem's message. Additionally, consider exploring more deeply the relationship between the cyclical nature of natural phenomena and the emotional or existential questions posed in the poem, as this could add depth and coherence.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
2 months 1 week ago
A legitimate question
and yet the answer is never there.
I especially like the glimpse of hope at the end..
Thank you for sharing.