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Jun 02, 2025
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What I got to do for my Father
What I got to do for my Father.
To accept me,
The way I am.
I am praying every,
Single night for my father.
Before I go to sleep,
I never miss a night.
Praying,
For my Father.
Also I never let my,
Father down.
When I make a promise,
I keep.
I never broke it,
Because that might make.
My Father upset.
And I am not planning,
To make my Father upset.
Because that would be,
A wrong thing to do.
My Father did a lot of.
Good things for me,
Now it is pay back time.
I need to work together,
To bring peace.
Into so many people's lives,
Because it is peace that .
Is missing,
In so many people's lives.
Also the poor people are,
Suffering.
Every single day
We hate to see the poor
People suffering
We know that
They are starving every
Single day
Nobody will feed the poor,
Besides my Father and me.
It is sad to see the poor,
Starving.
And also being dehydrated,
Yes we keep than hydrated.
Also every night I pray.
For the poor,
That lives in our streets.
Also they spend their days.
Begging for food,
We don't encourage that.
Because they buy rum,
To drink and get high.
We are not happy that,
Some poor people have a
Drink problem.
Also thanks god,
The poor people.
Don't have the money
To buy cigarettes.
Because they would be
Destroying their lungs
Also they would die
Of lung cancer
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem addresses important themes such as compassion, responsibility, and social consciousness. However, several areas could benefit from revision and deeper consideration:
1. **Structure and Punctuation**:
The poem currently uses line breaks and punctuation inconsistently, which makes reading difficult and interrupts the flow. Consider revising the punctuation and line breaks to enhance readability and rhythm. For example, avoid ending lines arbitrarily and instead use line breaks to emphasize specific ideas or emotions.
2. **Repetition and Redundancy**:
The poem repeats certain phrases and ideas (e.g., "my Father," "poor people," "single day," "praying every night") frequently. While repetition can be effective in poetry, here it tends to dilute the impact rather than strengthen it. Consider selecting key moments or images to repeat purposefully, rather than repeating broadly stated ideas.
3. **Depth and Specificity**:
The poem presents broad statements about poverty, suffering, and helping others. However, it lacks concrete imagery or specific details that would make the reader feel emotionally connected. Consider incorporating specific examples or vivid imagery to illustrate the suffering of the poor or the actions taken by the speaker and the Father to help them.
4. **Tone and Judgment**:
The lines about the poor buying rum and the speaker's disapproval ("We don't encourage that / Because they buy rum, / To drink and get high") come across as judgmental rather than compassionate. If the intent is to express empathy or concern, reconsider the tone and phrasing to reflect understanding rather than moralizing.
5. **Clarity of Message**:
The poem shifts between personal devotion to the Father and broader social concerns without clear transitions. Clarifying the relationship between these two themes—perhaps by explicitly connecting the speaker's actions toward the poor as inspired by the Father's teachings—could strengthen the coherence and impact of the poem.
Overall, the poem would benefit from careful revision focused on clarity, specificity, consistency in tone, and deliberate use of poetic devices.
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