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Jan 25, 2025
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What I miss most about Shaya
He talked too much.
He was too loud.
He was in your face,
and that's what I loved most about him.
I knew when I married him
that I would not have a quiet life.
He was always there
on the edge.
He was fearless
and that gave me the strength
to do things,
and get out in the world.
Everyone who knew him
in my circles and networks
remembers exactly that about him.
Being like that
comes with risks
but he accepted them.
He was the fire cracker
that made me a better person.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I know what you are thinking. It is about my late husband, but I still want to have comments about the words , structure and flow of this poem, despite the theme, which is painful. I remembered that the day after he died, despite the fact that I was in a zombie state and in shock, it was the fact that the house had suddenly become so quiet. I only noticed this yesterday, sitting in my apartment , that it is so still and quiet without him, so nothing much has changed except that it is three years later, and only one week after the third anniversary of Meatloaf's death. Even one of my daughters mentioned that to me just today!
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "What I miss most about Shaya" effectively captures the dynamic and intense personality of Shaya. The repetition of phrases like "He talked too much" and "He was too loud" emphasizes his bold and unapologetic nature. The imagery of him being "on the edge" and "fearless" paints a vivid picture of his presence in the speaker's life. The comparison of Shaya to a "fire cracker" that made the speaker a better person is a powerful metaphor that conveys the impact he had.
One suggestion for improvement would be to delve deeper into specific moments or memories that showcase Shaya's qualities. Providing concrete examples or anecdotes could further bring his character to life in the poem. Additionally, consider exploring the emotional nuances of the speaker's relationship with Shaya. How did his larger-than-life personality affect their interactions on a day-to-day basis? Adding layers of complexity to their connection could enhance the depth of the poem.
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