WHAT IT AIN'T ABOUT

This ain't about advancing age
or its affect on strength and stride
I'll not write such on this page
this old fart has too much pride

None want to hear of loss of hair
how it migrates to back and ears
why would anybody even care
to hear about the late night fears

Who cares about loved ones now passed
or the ever shrinking pool of friends
the worry that I'll be the last
of my classmates to reach their ends

And I won't recall past memories
of times afield way back when
sassafrass perfumed the breeze
across a now paved over glen

This ain't about advancing age
in that I said the truth
although against it I Do rage
But it Might be about lost youth

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Kailashana2

13 years ago

Awwwww, Stan!

The last two lines have me stumped.

This ain't about advancing age
in that I say my gospel truth
although against it I do so rage
Might it be about, how lost my youth

or sumthin' like that.

~hug.

scribbler

13 years ago

Hi Anna

I'm at a temporary loss as to how to sum up what I want to convey in those last few lines also. Perhaps the lines are echoing around the dusty corners of my skull and will soon emerge. Thanks for coming by.........stan

William Saint George

13 years ago

Hey Scrib

I liked this poem. Your rhyme was ok, but the "pacing" didn't work well for me. I'll give you an example

"This ain't about advancing age
or its affect on strength and stride
I'll not write such on this page
this old fart has too much pride

None want to hear of loss of hair
how it migrates to back and ears
why would anybody even care
to hear about the late night fears".

I think it'll read better as this

"This ain't about advancing age
or its affect on strength and stride
I will* not write such on this page
this old fart has too much pride

None want to hear of loss of hair
how it migrates to back and ears
why would anyone* even care
to hear about the late night fears"

It's quite humorous though, and it made me smile on a cold morning. Thanks :)

scribbler

13 years ago

hi William

Glad you got a smile out of it and I'll think over those lines.............stan