Rula

Oct 30, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Can you make a limerick serious?

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Description:

The very form of the limerick makes it sound humorous.
This short workshop sets the very simple exercise of writing a limerick, true to form, with entirely non-lewd or humorous content. Content of a serious, philosophical, beauteous or emotional nature.
Far more difficult than it sounds.
It will teach us a lot about form versus content.

A limerick is a five line poem, written in anapaest with often cataleptic elements. . The meter, though important, is the lesser requirement to the rhyme structure.
The first, second and fifth line rhyme. The third and fourth lines rhyme. Usually the third and forth lines are shorter.
AABBA
These rules can not be broken.
If you are unfamiliar with the form it is imperative you Google it and read some. You will find them all, without exception, rude and or humorous.
Hence the challenge.

My favourite un-rude, humorous limerick

There was an old lady from Clyde
who ate forty apples and died
the apples fermented
inside the lamented
and made cider inside her inside.

Leader: weirdelf (Jess)
Moderator(s): Wesley Snow
Scribbler (Stan)

Objectives: To write a serious limerick

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: Limericks
If you are unfamiliar with the form the Wikipedia article is not bad
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29
and a Google search turns up some good examples.

I be taking a fairly hands off approcach to this workship, asking members to critique each other's limericks.

Do not forget to select "Can you make a limerick serious" from the workshop droplist at the bottom of the Submit a poem page and put (Limerick Workshop) in the title

I've decide to use SondCload https://soundcloud.com/upload-beta as way for us to record our limericks and let each other hear them. If your computer doesn't have a microphone, don't worry, the workshop will work anyway, however do try to recored your limerick and post the URL of your recording. Limericks sound best aloud.

Let's start with a discussion of the form.

This workshop is closed.

When The Earth Was Born (Limerick WS)

When our earth planet was born
'twas a wild, ferocious morn
Then it started to cool
In a swimming pool
a boo bounce dance like a pop corn

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

weirdelf

10 years 8 months ago

a boo bounce dance like a pop corn?

Come on! We want serious emotion, philosophy, poetry beauty.
a boo bounce dance like a pop corn?
That's silly.
You can do better.

Rula

10 years 8 months ago

This is not silly Jess

at least what I think.
This is how when you put something very hot in water to make it cool.
watch this

http://www.wimp.com/lavaice/

weirdelf

10 years 8 months ago

I see the images

but listen to the words
a boo bounce dance like a pop corn
trivial.

wesley snow

10 years 8 months ago

Accessibility

In a humorous limerick this last line would have worked, but as Jess said it's a little strange for what was attempting to be drama (don't feel bad... Jess is gonna ream me... my first two submissions are humorous. I can't seem to write seriously in this format).

Line two has a typo. "Mom" should be "Morn".
Your subject was good though, I can't think of anything but Ebola and Jess is already mad at me.

Rula

10 years 8 months ago

thank you sir

It is in fact m o r n if you have a closer look
Glass' s on? :)
I am trying to rework that line.

Rula

10 years 8 months ago

Thanks for the visit

Gem

raj

10 years 8 months ago

Rula

When stick like this, I suggest you take a fresh look to explore other possibilities like an example below..

When our planet was born
'twas a ferocious morn
Then it started to cool
from a gaseous pool
eons before life took form

Regards,

weirdelf

10 years 8 months ago

good suggestion, raj,

really, Rula, for a serious limerick that last line has got to go.

Rula

10 years 7 months ago

raj

your suggestion is really brilliant.
Thank you.

weirdelf

10 years 7 months ago

coolI!

me like.
Might conflict with Barbara's creationist views though.

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Gemma

You have a brilliant vocabulary. I suggest you come up with an alternate for spawn, to rhyme perfectly with born & torn

Regards,

raj

10 years 7 months ago

May be I am wrong. What i

May be I am wrong. What i meant was a word with an r in it would perhaps make it more perfect.

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Funny...felt like a scorn...

Funny...felt like a scorn....lol

wesley snow

10 years 7 months ago

What she means is this.

Many words in the English language use an unprinted "R". Such as "Thrawn". Spelled such it sounds as though it rhymes with "on". However, many dialects (mostly in the east of the U. S. and Britain) will pronounce it as "Thrawrn". Try "warsh" instead of wash.
It's an affectation a lot like country western slang. It is a deliberately designed method of changing language in a swift and unnatural way instead of slowly generating over centuries or millennium.
BUT... the English speaking language is as the English speaking people speak it.
I don't like the "r", but I'll fight to the death to defend her right to speak that way,
So, the words do indeed rhyme.

weirdelf

10 years 7 months ago

Now this is where limericks,

and rhyming poetry in general gets really tricky.
Not only do regional dialects make words rhyme differently but they play havoc with meter.

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Ok. I withdraw my suggestion.

Regards,

Rula

10 years 7 months ago

raj

We do daily learn something new and I am for one who appreciate WHAT EVERYTHING you suggest. Your comments are always welcome.

lovedly

10 years 7 months ago

Rula

by now we all know
earth is ours
and a planet too
don't you think the word
planet
thus becomes superfluous
when in poetry every word counts
just my view 4 u

Rula

10 years 7 months ago

could be

seems that this little limerick has failed on every level.
Anyway I have enjoyed trying the least.
I find it difficult to fix .
Appreciate your visit and the comment

wesley snow

10 years 7 months ago

The Limerick was not a failure in any way.

Look at the conversation we had over it. Look at the number of new concepts that were discussed. All we needed was an argument over something controversial, but that would be out of place in a Rula thread.
Did you learn anything about the rhythm of the limerick? Did anyone else?

No, the limerick is a success.