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When I Go......(the latest version read first)
When in the other world I, at last, bide
you will not ever, ever, really know
nor will you say that you at all denied
that it was now my turn and time to go.
As I fling kisses so many misses
you would not come here ever for to see
how many came to savor my kisses
coz at no time, you've been with me.
I still live, in my world, of hope
An intent with much, abundance
That you might dare with me to cope
Hopefully without reluctance.
Be as it may, my lovely dear
Kissy me without any fear.
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OLDER VERSION BELOW
When in the other world I, at last, bide
you will not ever, ever, really know
nor will you say that you at all denied
that it was now my turn and time to go.
As I fling kisses so many misses
you would not come here ever for to see
how many came to savor my kisses
because you have, at no time, been with me.
Yet I still live, in my own world, of hope
A delightful intent and much, in abundance
That you might still dare with me to cope
And you will try to make up, without reluctance.
Be as it may, my only, onetime lovely dear
Develop a permanent relationship, without fear.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Another life's fourth sonnet Just a try folks
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
4 years 4 months ago
I think...
that it is better with: Or without reluctance. Nice work~ Geez.
.
Lavender
4 years 4 months ago
When I Go
Hi, Lovedly,
Enjoyed the entire poem, but what an outstanding, wonderful last stanza!
Thank you!
L
lovedly
4 years 4 months ago
Lave you only make me stand out
and
I call myself Outstanding
Lol
thanks to you and Gee
thanks you two
keep my mind alive
I rarely breathe
lovedly
4 years 4 months ago
HELLO ALAN
PASS THE SONNET
WILL KINDLY YOU
lovedly
4 years 4 months ago
Alan your hand on my head.... is a sign
of the loud applause
so is stan's
to Neos I bow.
shall tweek as and when
in a fresher sonnet
I wish Judy of Hudson
could read it in heaven
lovedly
4 years 4 months ago
She tried her best when she was doing PhD in sonnetry
finally she gave up
a dull headed lovedly
can't even count syllables
what the fx a sonnet create will he
hope she now sheds no tears
next sonnet will be hers
hopefully she does not cry foe me
did you compose it stupidly
scribbler
4 years 4 months ago
See
Your head didn't explode writing a rhyme lol.
lovedly
4 years 4 months ago
thanks Stan
Another one in the pipe line
lovedly
4 years 4 months ago
be not confused
the top one I revised it
as directed by you
now I am BULB LIKE fused
top is new below
xxxxxx is old
the next one is in my pipeline
still at home lol Alan
will post after u pat my back
ahhhhhhhhhhha gotcchaaachaaa