Neopoem Weekly 01/12/25 to 01/18/25 🏆 Winner

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WHEN I SAY "I LOVE YOU"

When I say "I love you",
I mean a thousand times more than I do.
To cherish every stain on your flesh,
Adoring your wrinkles like an artwork never discovered,
Welcoming your imperfections and believing your mistakes are
A better part of your success to come.

When I say "I love you",
I travel through realms of faith and belief,
Escaping from earthly bowels of mortal words and promises,
To build a connection with every fibre of your being.
That I may intertwine with the one my yearning entertains and
Build a pinnacle too tough for any sepulchre.

When I say "I love you",
I don't just speak but care,
Registering your every smile, blink, stare,
On the choicest memory of my heart's page,
That when I think, I become lost in you.

When I say "I love you",
I become a fan of your every progress,
Longing to bask in your boils and experience your fears,
That we may become a force none can reckon with,
Because we love until our feelings become spiritual and
Our story remains a mystery to every being.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria, NGA

Favorite Poets: Niyi osunadare, William Morris, Alfred lord Tennyson, William Blake, William Shakespeare, John Milton and many more

Comments

neopoet

5 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem beautifully captures the depth and complexity of love, using vivid imagery and emotional language to convey the speaker's feelings. The repetition of "When I say 'I love you'" creates a strong rhythm and emphasis throughout the poem. The metaphor of cherishing imperfections and mistakes as part of a person's success is particularly poignant and thought-provoking.

One suggestion for improvement could be to vary the structure or form of the poem to add more dynamic elements. This could involve experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, or even incorporating different poetic devices like metaphors, similes, or alliteration to enhance the overall impact of the poem. Additionally, consider revisiting certain phrases to ensure clarity and coherence in conveying the intended message to the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact