Geremia

Oct 01, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

When Nightingales Sing

Tear my heart apart
let my soul languish
in loneliness.
Let my words die
in the making
as they fade into
nothingness,

I am the nightingale
who sings its melancholy
at twilight
unheard, unseen
hidden in the morning mist
mesmerized
by the Beauty of its
Music
deaf to a voice
grown old
grown weak
and dying

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Comments

Sparrow

9 years 9 months ago

Joe

This could be really good there are some flow problems in there:-
who sings its melancholy
at twilight
Past present words flow yes but they need to be in the same time.
Take care young man, Yours as always Ian..

Geremia

9 years 9 months ago

Thanks , Ian. I don't see

Thanks , Ian. I don't see where I used he present perfect. I think was consistent with present tense. I will take another look/

Thank you for reading me, Ian.

Joe

lovedly

9 years 9 months ago

lovely nightingale

sings but is amiss
death is not
yet 'tisn't yet
it
the nightingales voice
does fit

Geremia

9 years 9 months ago

Thank you. my friend .

Thank you. my friend ..Beieve me there are far worse things than death, But I will keep singing, if not for all to hear, but a few or non
[ you understand the message of the poem? ]

joe

lovedly

9 years 9 months ago

me time

yes by now i do
as so much time
I give to you

your endurance shall be an example
for ordinary folks like me and you
so all I say give
me time too
To pray for folks
poetic
magnetic
sympathetic
empathatic
(empathy ie)
like you
give me time

Geremia

9 years 9 months ago

insightful observation. joe

insightful observation.

joe

lovedly

9 years 9 months ago

thanks a lot Joe

hope u will read gems
converted as germs
by Jess
poetry is not for all
some appreciate many fall
that's what poetry is
about after all
ain't it Joe!

Geremia

9 years 9 months ago

Dear friend,

Dear friend,
of course you are right. NEOPOET may not be the venue for me. You know that I had made a decision not to write, BUT I need to keep my mind sharp I am already showing signs of a dementia due to my disease, and writing is a good mental exercise, Having said that, my poetry doesn't appeal to most and I need to accept that It is always nice to receive validation from fellow poets;. you know that. It is discouraging to be passed over; yet I am fighting other battles which I am losing. So validation of my poetry is last on my list.

Jess and I don't necessarily agree what ''poetry"" should be; but I respect his critiques; I may not always agree with him, but I do see his point of view. I have also learned so much from him as well.

Thank you for reading me. keep well.

joe

P.S. I have unpublished what ""lngers"" too long on the sjte.

Sparrow

9 years 9 months ago

Joe

Whatever you have done to his piece it now reads great and is a tribute to your understandings,
Yours, Ian

Geremia

9 years 9 months ago

Thanks, Ian. I like this one.

joe