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Aug 27, 2017
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When Summer Wanes
In mulling 'bout the season's gifts
Say, plums and sun and all its gain
Thinking it will never end
The season that shall never wane
Sitting near a Redbud shrub
Shielded by this summer tree
A bird collecting all his friends
And picking them from every tree
The squawking gulls; I hear them say
"It's cold and so it's time to fly..."
The endlessness of seasons ends
Summer, now, is turning shy...
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
weirdelf
7 years 11 months ago
Nicely structured
and vivid imagery.
Basya, I notice you have not given any feedback to anyone else since you joined Neopoet. I strongly recommend that you start doing so. The more you give the more you get and it helps you with your own craft thinking about and responding to other people's poems.