Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jun 18, 2022
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
When Will I Protect My Homeland
When will I protect my homeland?
From the roaring of a lion
That walks in the day and night
Snatching the young and old
Who hope for fortune
In their sniffs and bubs;
While the tears and frown lower their faces;
When the days fly away.
When will I protect my homeland?
From the mew of cats
That steal meats from our cupboards
In spite of protecting our homes,
They burgle into our houses every minute
And take away our gold and diamond.
When will I protect my homeland?
From the hovering of birds
That fly from one tree to the other
To pick our precious fruits.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years ago
I am not sure...
that this piece translates well into English. The main thought expressed here; is "When?" I would be sure to ask the question:
"Indeed, when?" Like, how much is it going to take before you step up to defend your country? Why haven't you done it before now? Other than that burning question, the poem does well, your language use is good, the pattern, and pace is good. ~ Geezer.
.
Mr joghe
3 years ago
I like your comment.
I like your comment.
Candlewitch
3 years ago
hello,
you need (the & a in a lot of places) read the poem out loud and you will hear your mistakes.
*good luck, Cat
Mr joghe
3 years ago
Thank you for your advice.
Thank you for your advice.
Jackweb
3 years ago
Imgagery!
This is one of the powerful element in poetry!
It allows the reader to see clearly, touch, feel, taste and hear what is happening around the poet. And in some cases even sympathize with the poet.
Posing with the question: When?
How long will you be asking when you truly know you haven't make a bold step to take action? Are you out of the vicinity where your home land was invaded?
Maybe you have long sojourned in another man's country and watching and hearing the ugly situations unfolding in your land.
Procrastination is never a good thing. You loose ample opportunity doing what is you supposed to do at the right time. At this time you need to wake up and take the bull by the horn. Or else, your home land will remain totally invaded!
Mr joghe
3 years ago
Onyinyechi
You saw everything around the poet. Great job!
The poet can not do it alone. He needs other's swords to defend his land.