Candlewitch

May 12, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Write a poem as an alter ego.

(Read More...)

Who Am I? (updated) (May Contest)

Who Am I?

I dabble in darkness,
gifts of shadow parse out.
from "the wings"
I whisper, never a shout.

silently, slowly,
I watch and wait
for the right time,
my profession to sate.

with phantom touch
I separate body from soul
the fates cut the threads
and they're no longer whole.

to the ferryman,
a token I toss
he rows the boat
just another loss.

day or night I am present
just who am I?
I'll give you a clue...
I work with a scythe
-
*changes thanks to Geezer
&
cathy mccormick

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Geezer

4 years 1 month ago

Here is your answer...

Death, is my name
and I come with a sigh
This is my game

A couple of little tweaks, to make it smoother?

1] Delete the [I] in the line: [ gifts of shadow parsed out]
2] from ["the [dark] wings']
3] sate
4] scythe
We like this much! ~ Gee and Killer.
.

Candlewitch

4 years 1 month ago

thank you Geez,

we always appreciate the little touches you lend to help make our poems better :) hello to Killer for us!

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy styx

Geezer

4 years 1 month ago

It is my...

great pleasure to help if I can. No need to give me credit for any critique or comments, and 'Killer' says Hi back. ~ Geez.
.

cathy mccormick

4 years 1 month ago

just a suggestion: to keep

just a suggestion: to keep with the perfect rhyme you have used, how about in the last stanza instead of another is lost, which is not perfect rhyme with toss, you use "just another loss".. the current last stanza does not rhyme and i prefer this without it. i have one on this, too. will post when i can. i wrote a poem when i was about 20. i did not pick it up again for about 50 years. rewrote it, keeping only two original lines. can i say i hold the record for "working" longest on a poem lol

Candlewitch

4 years 1 month ago

dear cathy,

thank you for the helpful suggestion which I have utilized. I appreciate it greatly! btw...I loved your poem, it made my day!

*hugs, Cat
-

lovedly

4 years 1 month ago

u r u

nothing else but
CW
U well me review
others 2222222