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Aug 25, 2018
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Why Did I Love You?
I have no courage left, your actions
have ground my heart into a fine dust...
You left me empty –
until the moments come
where you provoke the sphinx…
giving rise to an earthquake
that rends my psyche
...all of creation quivers around me...
and I realize that hole
where my heart once lived
is now a pit of fire - full of hatred and anger.
That smug smirk you wear
mocks my immobilizing fury,
invoking a bloom of violence
in my fractured mind –
you smile at my pain,
and the emotional torment you inflict…
Now, all the tokens of love you’ve given
are covered with a gray, sooty ash.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
6 years 10 months ago
Hello BH
although this poem is a vivid description of a heartbreak ..in my opinion it still qualifies by conforming to the title "why did I love you" ...i hope that whosoever is the judge would read it as a remorse where the protagonist is conveying the pain of having loved someone and in that light questioning herself that in spite of this why did she love him...
as is necessary as per contest requirements please suffix the title with [August contest]...
best wishes for the contest..
.....................................................
lovedly
6 years 10 months ago
all the best
for the contest
Catsworld
6 years 10 months ago
Feeling with you
In line 2
I would suggest to leave out (a), ground into fine dust sounds stronger and also improves flow and rhythm, I think.
if you like to hear more, please tell. I’m new here ans just started finding my and your ways here.
Catsworld