Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Aug 06, 2018
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Why did I Love You (August contest "reality" )
There, I felt the essence of our true love,
feelings akin to super glues holdings.
Drifting thoughts, flowing across a table,
seeking the perfection, held in each other.
The eyes holding, shining truth, then loving,
each moment etched in gold, entwining souls.
Where have you come from? I thought, seeking more.
A lifetime of dreams rendered to my needs.
Nothing existed beyond this one moment,
held above morality and revered.
I was just a being, and there you were,
nothing was good enough to describe you.
Now a lifetime has passed by my window,
there you are, across that table once more.
A memory beautifully etched in my mind.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: An old jotting for a love that stays with me always ..
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
6 years 10 months ago
Hi Ian
Enjoyed the poem but you need to make up your mind which poem to enter in the contest. The judge has a hard enough time deciding when only one per member is entered lol....stan
Sparrow
6 years 10 months ago
Stan
I have put the other as just a normal streamed poem Thanks for your Visit,
Yours as always Ian ..
Sparrow
6 years 10 months ago
Katie
I have held one person close to my heart for many years and have carried on with if they call it Normal life , but the feelings never dim .
Thank you for your visit,
Yours as always Ian . x
lovedly
6 years 10 months ago
Ian
why this stand by
best of luck
hope the judge accepts it
reads one at lest
but why ONE fictitious
another a reality
just wondering as about I am wandering
Sparrow
6 years 10 months ago
Loved
Now I see you are worried about which one is the real one well I have chosen this one where is yours LOL
Take care and thanks for your visit, I suppose you are busy writing LOL
Yours as always Ian . xx
raj
6 years 10 months ago
Hi Ian
I liked both the versions "fiction" and "reality" but if I have to vote for only one it shall be for this one...
.......................................
Sparrow
6 years 10 months ago
raj
Many thanks for your choice, I have decided that this one is the better of the two as true feelings always win ??
Take care,
Yours as always Ian ..
Mikeozams
6 years 10 months ago
Nice, but just a suggestion
Nice, but I have a suggestion. I flowed with the central idea and emotions to some extent but at a time was really distracted by the somewhat inconsistent punctuations. In as much as poetry can be flexible in nature, consistency in punctuations especially in this case the commas, will do more justice to the idea.
All the same, good job. It's never easy to articulate the idea and write down these things.
~We get better through practice ~
Sparrow
6 years 10 months ago
Mikeozams
Thank you for you visit and advise, I am very bad at punctuation as you noticed.
These pieces are written within about 20 minutes or so, and streamed ASAP, so the commas and full stops are forgotten as with most of my works.
I have edited this piece to see if it is better, thanks again,
Yours Ian ..
Rula
6 years 10 months ago
A perfect ending
for an adorable love story.
Nothing to suggest but much apprciation dear Ian
Best wishes.
Sparrow
6 years 10 months ago
My Dear Rula
Thank you so very much for your visit..
I hope that you all are doing OK out there.
I think of you all quite a lot as the world turns and brings us many emotions.
You all keep well and have a lovely life, this is just a jotting from one of my better memories shared with you all,
Yours as always, Ian. xx