Seren

Feb 09, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Why wait ...

I waited for you
all my life

like the darkness
is my day
you are my planet
I'm just a moon

I love you
as certainly
I'll never
love again

These dark things
I shelter in my mind
fearing to reveal
and to lose control

You've asked me why
and repeatedly
how I love you
and when I fell

My only answer ?

I waited for you
all my life

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Comments

Nordic cloud

12 years 5 months ago

Dear Jayne, I liked this

Dear Jayne, I liked this twist, speaking in the past when its in the future.
I liked the simplicity of the message, it flows down like a thought
and has a tip like that of a grass straw with a dew drop on the end.

The only thing that seemed slightly illogical was the planet,
and the moon, as the moon isn't that also a planet? But on looking in Wik,
I find it has not yet been promoted to that category, so my thought is
wrong. I mention it, because it interested me .

Love Ann.
You'd think we lived on the moon here, its all so white!!

Seren

12 years 5 months ago

Pure whiteness it sounds

Pure whiteness it sounds beautiful

Very glad you liked this one its a new one

Hmmmmm maybe instead of planet I could have earth
What do you think ?

Thanks for the read and comment

Love and hugs Jc xxx

loved

12 years 5 months ago

perhaps I may intervene

The Moon is the only natural ....satellite ....of the Earth,[d][7] and the fifth largest satellite in the Solar System
and
did you perhaps imply
lose.???. ...................................to loose control
i thought ....maybe I ain't right

Satellites go around planets
only the Zodiac made an exception ...
7500 years ago.. man made error
earth being a planet..

Seren

12 years 5 months ago

Thanks for the heads up ! I

Thanks for the heads up ! I fixed that up

I must have been blind lol

I am just a moon smile

Love Jc xxx

loved

12 years 5 months ago

gratious

thanks
you are better we see
tc

only happy folks and moon can smile
you are one such smiler

Seren

12 years 5 months ago

I am no better no worse lol

Jc xxx

Nordic cloud

12 years 5 months ago

Earth is a planet,

Earth is a planet,
but I'm your moon would be good perhaps?

Love to you in the heat, I send you some cool,
with love of course! Ann.

Seren

12 years 5 months ago

Hmmm that would work I will

Hmmm that would work I will edit on my return

Love to you in the white Jc xxx

sueb

12 years 5 months ago

lovely x

Seren

12 years 5 months ago

Thanks Sue glad you liked it

Hugs Jc xxx

Ian.T

12 years 5 months ago

Jayne

I would not change anything any more, as it is in its simplicity it says everything, grand write,
Yours as always Ian.T

Seren

12 years 5 months ago

Ian

I'm very happy you liked this one its new

Much appreciate the read and comment

Love Jc xxx

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

Thanks for the suggestion I

Thanks for the suggestion I plan to edit my poems over the next week or two I like your idea I will correct it when I edit

thanks for the read and lovely comment its much appreciated

love and hugs JC xxx

Frenchf

12 years 5 months ago

Lovely images

and waiting all your life for someone
That is special especially since you revealed what you have been through

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

Its all special and its all

Its all special and its all beautiful even the mundane I have been to hell and back a couple of times but there is always someone worse off ... so i celebrate the simple things

thanks for the read and the comment

love JC xxx