Will o' The Wisp

a kiss on the cheek
a dainty wave

a sigh

good bye

her fate is hers
mine is mine

such sweet sorrow;

parting

amidst smiles

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

Comments

Eumolpus

7 years 1 month ago

yes to the point.

not sure you could get any more minimalist than this. Like 20 words. They do say a lot, certainly as much that can be said in 20 words. Each word is nicely measured, for sound, irony and alliteration.
It's feels like a Haiku but it is much better, in English, with a modern sensibility without the structure of a very contrived form. Cool!
(don't think you need the semi-colon)

brittle light

7 years 1 month ago

Upon returning to Neopoet

Upon returning to Neopoet after many months, I am always a little apprehensive.
You have steadied my wobbly thoughts with your extremely gratifying remarks.
thank you Mark

the ; will eventually disappear

IRiz

7 years ago

Al,

Al,
!
Lightness, beauty, world built in a moment.
Inspiring, gorgeous, beyond words.
Do-it-again-to-me-please kind of a poem.

I read about your smiles and yet i know
you both will be crying at night.

brittle light

7 years ago

...but did you like it....

wow

I wish sometimes I could read one of my poems as if seeing for the first time, not knowing how it came to be written, but only its completion; to see if it would strike me as others see it.

I am elated with your response.
truly gratifying