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weirdelf
weirdelf
Jan 15, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Wind Up Choices

I’ve never had ambition,
I’ve had adversarial inclinations,
mostly just wanted not to be my Dad
Never wanted to be my Dad,
A moralizing hypocrite,
A successful businessman

A perpetrator of cruelty, shame and physical abuse in private.

A public figure of humanitarianism.
(He's in the Australian 'Who's Who'
engineer of the Sydney Harbor Tunnel)
His funeral overflowed,
Too many to fit in the church
Even my sisters believe the lie.
I alone knew his evil.

So I didn’t do an MA in business.
Or join any church.
My choices were against him,
I chose poetry,
The worst thing he could imagine.
I’m smart enough to make it look real.
Smart enough to earn a Masters Degree in Poetry.
And it was all a ‘fuck you’ to him.

And it became real.
Pretend enough and pretence becomes reality.
Turns out I’m not a half bad poet.
He taught me logic and the power of thought.
Thanks, dad.
I finally love and forgive you.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

7 years 6 months ago

A real catharsis...

I wouldn't say that I enjoyed this work, due to the nature of the theme, but I definitely understand it. I understand the need to expose the underbelly of seeming perfection. Of a someone that projected
a much different persona outside the home. I won't go into detail, but my father was an alcoholic. [Enough said?] The last line is real, I forgave my father many years ago and actually remember some good times that we had. As to the form and the structure of the poem, I have nothing to add. ~ Gee.
.

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 6 months ago

Nicely said, sir!

Haven't seen you around for a while, and haven't even responded to them. Sorry.
[sighs]
Sometimes Neopoet becomes more than my critique or poetry.
It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it (Faith No More, 'We Care a lot')

Geezer

Geezer

7 years 6 months ago

I wouldn't...

being that it is not for commercialization; [knowing you] I will just accept it as is. I don't need you to pretty it up. I would however, love to see you write some real poetry for a change. Not that this isn't real... ~ Gee.
.

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 5 months ago

An important challenge, my friend

and about fucking time I did something about it.

On the other hand did you see my recent post of Neopoet.com Facebook? "When something can be read without effort a great deal of effort has gone into the writing."

To say a truth simply is no mean achievement.

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 6 months ago

All the way with you on that

All the way with you on that one. Following the crests and falls of your father-son relationship, I gasp at the unexpected ending. I wonder if the main character will continue the poetic career after he forgave his father? How far this love goes? Will he accept his ideals and phony standards?

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 6 months ago

I can give you straight answers to that.

It is honestly autobiographical so the main character is me.
I will continue my poetic career, it is me. My rejection of him actually gave me my true calling and revealed my best talent, poetry. So yes, that is part of who I am, a poet.
Also an anarcho-syndicalist left wing ratbag. Also opposite to dad but also truly me.

And it's not all rejection and adversarialism. He wasn't quite as smart as me but he taught me logic, reason, the scientific method for which I am truly grateful, otherwise I might have turned out some sort of mystical hippy bullshit artist. Some of my best work is inspired by science and mathematics.

Yes, I couldn't do it while he was alive but I love the old bastard. And no, I will never be a phony if I can help it. That's one of the great things about Neopoet, you keep me real. You ever spot anything that sounds phony I will listen, I might not agree but I promise to listen.

Which brings me back to the question I asked Guy. I could make this better poetry with prosodic revisions, but should I?

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 6 months ago

thank you for your

thank you for your clarifications, it is enriching and pleasant to be able to talk to the author whenever my left foot wants it. So if i am too direct with my questions you do not have to answer. thanks again.

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 6 months ago

[grins]

Another thing I learned, I never do what I don't want to, with the single exception of telling the the truth. That can be hard.
I tell stories, it's my job, but when I respond to my comrades on Neopoet it is always the truth.

S

scribbler

7 years 6 months ago

Hi Jess

There are a few poems which for different reasons I have never edited other than for typos. If you think this poem is pure truth and a vindication or for whatever reason you don't Want to change it...don't. Indeed with such a poem changing it for prosodic reasons might just make it lose impact or sully the reality it shows. Now as to the poem, I'll not recommend any change except an obvious typo in title. I think you meant either Wind's or Winds'.
Plus we should almost always forgive our parents. Most did the best they knew how and lord knows they forgave us plenty of times...........stan

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 6 months ago

Cool Stan

I'll fix the typo in the title, ta.
You wouldn't have a suggestion for a better title would you?
It's totally wrong, it implies randomness whereas the whole thing is about causality. I don't even know why I called it that, except I wrote the title then another poem came out. Maybe that's a good reason to keep it?

Last point- no, Mum was brilliant and Dad, I'm sure did the best he could with a son who was a complete disappointment to him in every way and he didn't try hard to hide it. And I do love and forgive him.

But there is no forgiving crackwhore mothers, pederasts fathers. I was once in a therapy group with a woman pregnant on methadone. I physically threw up at her vile selfishness. Bringing a methadone addicted baby into the world? I wanted to kill her.

Some people should not be parents and can not be forgiven for becoming parents.

Sparrow

Sparrow

7 years 6 months ago

Jess

A great piece of writing that must have been hard, then the last part where you have forgiven him.
Lessons for whom in the great plan of things, logic defies a plan, but to wander this Earth with any hate makes the journey heavy.
Take care my Bru, a weight has been lifted,
Yours Ian..

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 6 months ago

It has, and you know what is weird to me?

Being the hard-nose intolerant atheist I am it is the people who live their spirituality like you and Stan and a few others here, and several friends on other social media, that have taught me more kindness and tolerance, though I remain utterly intolerant to proselytizing, that is spiritual rape.

Oh, and thank you for the compliment on my writing,.

Sparrow

Sparrow

7 years 5 months ago

Dear Jess

Being that intolerant atheist we all love, it is really an atheist who can really feel that others have spirit.
Maybe it has rubbed off a bit, but there is no need to feel for a God, all you have to be is there for your fellow man, and even in your intolerance you are tolerant.
We journey on from the past young man and there is much to do, go well, and try to be good (Smiling to myself)
Yours as always, Ian..

Marvel Godwyn

Marvel Godwyn

7 years 6 months ago

A nicely woven poem Jess, I

A nicely woven poem Jess, I really enjoyed my read.I think every human has good and bad sides.But now that you love and have forgiven him would you like to be a reflection of him at least his good sides?

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 6 months ago

[smiles] Marvel, don't you see?

I have accepted the aspects of me that are a reflection of him,
even some of the stuff I don't like.
I present a better face to the world than my inner turmoil would care to reveal.

Marvel Godwyn

Marvel Godwyn

7 years 5 months ago

Jess, I think I am in

Jess, I think I am in absolute agreement with that; that as a poet you are unavoidably bound to reveal your rather hidden self through your poems unknowingly no matter how hard you try to conceal your inner self .

BettyBuff

BettyBuff

7 years 5 months ago

'They Fuck You Up'

'This Be The Verse.' By Philip Larkin.
'They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had. And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn. By fools in old-style hats and coats,. Who half the time were soppy-stern. And half at one another's throats.'

I empathise. As I've just lost my Dad (December 2017-he committed suicide)...When I was a little girl he was my hero...when I grew up, I realised he had feet of clay. We had our ups & downs but he was beloved & I read his Eulogy last month...

This was visceral, but I got it...and it's made me sad.
Ells