windswept smiles

long, top-down drives
even shirtless tans
sweet strawberry-kisses and
glorious watermelon stains

laughter lifting through the trees
glimpses of sun-blest promises
sugar-coated whispers
catching in the breeze

fruit bowls, waterholes
and refreshing icy poles
interlacing fingers share
starry nights and lazy days

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West Moreton, AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows.

Comments

Sparrow

10 years ago

Cryptic bard

This piece is OK but seems to lack a person or body, the words you write are fine just let us know who you are writing to,
Bet she is worth every word,
"interlacing fingers share"
"Our interlacing fingers shared
Dreams of being alive"
Sort of thing ??
Take care Yours, Ian..

Frederick Kesner

10 years ago

aye,

I have considered that on the outset,
sadly for you, I specifically decided to
go ahead and leave persons and bodies,
allusive or pronouned, as it was meant
as a sweeping thought of a summer day
not anchored to anything or anyone specific.

I will, however post up one, more orthodox
with more tangible emotional placeholders
to allow for a ready comparison & choice.

Thanks most kindly ☺

Sparrow

10 years ago

CB

See we have both sides now Esker likes the piece as is and I would like a personal touch, this is how things work, you have as you did the final say and one that you feel comfortable with.
Great to be of help, Yours Ian ..

Frederick Kesner

10 years ago

and, as always

most appreciated. ☺

Esker

10 years ago

I like the unamed...

and the untamed...
the unchained...
I was captivated
strawberry fragrance from
a young girl
woman..chantrause?
expensive..nor thick or winsome
There are some flavors
that arouse an interest but not
feed the appetite

like coffee...dark roast please.
something..to delve ..
said that once and they thought
I was a lunatic...
which I am..

I dont want the full story sometimes
You can write..
oft its a hard thing to do..

This one is a very great poem
for summer!

Thank You!

Frederick Kesner

10 years ago

thanks man

Much appreciated☺ you've allowed the words and your life view to create a journey that is your own. And I'm very grateful that you've so generously shared that experience with me. I don't feel like my reentry into the neopoet world is such a waste.

lovedly

10 years ago

you swell my heart

with your poetic part
where in the doldrums of tym
did you hide
as i became
lovedly from loved
remember me????
your secrecy
have u added to ur manly kitty ?