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Mar 16, 2012
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windy day at the lake (rewrite imagery workshop)
one windy day at the lake
a loud whistling in the wind roared
spurned tornadoes breaking windows
along the lake's shore
suddenly, abruptly the quiet ended
as the cellar door opened then banged shut
screaming children crying mommy I'm scared
to sirens blowing in nearby towns
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
China Blue
13 years 3 months ago
Barbara
What does the wind sound like?
Very well written descriptions of sounds
Althoug I found it reading more like a list than a poem
scribbler
13 years 3 months ago
hi Barb
I see you decided to change to auditory. Allthe sounds describe quite a storm. I've been through a tornado before and the strangest part was the momentary Lack of any sound just before it hit. Good job..........stan
Barbara Writes
13 years 3 months ago
stan
Drove in one trying to get to school wih kidsn there was no sound just visual
Greyness, winds, trees swaying frantically
China Blue
13 years 3 months ago
Barbara
Nicely done I see now what the wind sounds like perhaps you had this in the other write and I just missed it.
Barbara Writes
13 years 3 months ago
not sure
Sometimes right wording will bring forth the imagery intended.
:)
scribbler
13 years 3 months ago
hi
Did you mean spawned tornadoes in L-3?
Candlewitch
13 years 3 months ago
Dear Barbara,
A marvelous job... very scary subject! I've been in tornados. Good work!
always, Cat